For the last two months I have not only been surrounded by runners, but surrounded by world class athletes. Everyday I hear about another race my boss has won, is competing in, or another hundred miler my co-worker is getting paid to run by his sweet sponsors. I run with the ladies group run, errrrr, I run behind them, huffing and puffing trying to keep up while I hear laughter and training plans they have laid out for their spring ULTRA.
I see a picture of another co-worker on a New Balance poster, starring at me intensely, I know that he helped design one of the shoes I’m trying to sell every day. A female co-worker is a student, teaches spin, personal trains and is training for an ultra, and Ironman and applying to grad school, (aka she’s Superwoman) I hear whispers of the ‘girl from Born to Run’ works there…she doesn’t, but she and her dog come and hang out a lot.
Needless to say the list could go on, I am surrounded by amazing people, amazing athletes and should be inspired. But being around all these incredible people is intimidating. I’m no great athlete, I lace my shoes up, I run, I work out, I like it but can by no means make any sort of money off it. It’d be sweet if I could, but it’s not one of my dreams.
I should be inspired. But unfortunately it’s doing the opposite. I’m putting immense pressure on myself to do better. I’d love to run an ultra one day, I have wanted to for awhile, but at this point my looming stress fracture won’t and lack of real motivation won’t allow it. So what do I do?
I was feeling super down about this earlier in the week. This pressure, intimidation and self-reflection is all put on by myself, these people I see daily are AWESOME and it’s my own issues making me feel this way, FYI.
I think it was a combination of things, but feeling inadequate athletically was definitely one of them. Invited to go on a ladies group run, I mentally had decided that I didn’t want to go, I didn’t feel like getting left behind and feeling bad about myself and my running again. I didn’t want to run at all to be honest.
Some how I forced myself outside and did and I realize that being a lone exerciser isn’t such a bad thing. I need to feel good with my run before I share it with others. I learned this week that I can push myself pretty hard at the gym or on the road when I really want to. Remember that was super important for me to get out the door and feel good about my run.
When it all comes down to it, a short run outside in the sunshine is way better than moping around at home ANY DAY! Trying to find inspiration daily can be tough but I know I have it within me somewhere. Thanks for listening to my rant…
Have you ever felt really intimidated by your surroundings?
What pulled you out of it?