Inspiration From A Lonely Run

For the last two months I have not only been surrounded by runners, but surrounded by world class athletes. Everyday I hear about another race my boss has won, is competing in, or another hundred miler my co-worker is getting paid to run by his sweet sponsors. I run with the ladies group run, errrrr, I run behind them, huffing and puffing trying to keep up while I hear laughter and training plans they have laid out for their spring ULTRA.

I see a picture of another co-worker on a New Balance poster, starring at me intensely, I know that he helped design one of the shoes I’m trying to sell every day. A female co-worker is a student, teaches spin, personal trains and is training for an ultra, and Ironman and applying to grad school, (aka she’s Superwoman) I hear whispers of the ‘girl from Born to Run’ works there…she doesn’t, but she and her dog come and hang out a lot.

Needless to say the list could go on, I am surrounded by amazing people, amazing athletes and should be inspired. But being around all these incredible people is intimidating. I’m no great athlete, I lace my shoes up, I run, I work out, I like it but can by no means make any sort of money off it. It’d be sweet if I could, but it’s not one of my dreams.

I should be inspired. But unfortunately it’s doing the opposite. I’m putting immense pressure on myself to do better. I’d love to run an ultra one day, I have wanted to for awhile, but at this point my looming stress fracture won’t and lack of real motivation won’t allow it. So what do I do?

I was feeling super down about this earlier in the week. This pressure, intimidation and self-reflection is all put on by myself, these people I see daily are AWESOME and it’s my own issues making me feel this way, FYI.

I think it was a combination of things, but feeling inadequate athletically was definitely one of them. Invited to go on a ladies group run, I mentally had decided that I didn’t want to go, I didn’t feel like getting left behind and feeling bad about myself and my running again. I didn’t want to run at all to be honest.

Some how I forced myself outside and did and I realize that being a lone exerciser isn’t such a bad thing. I need to feel good with my run before I share it with others. I learned this week that I can push myself pretty hard at the gym or on the road when I really want to. Remember that was super important for me to get out the door and feel good about my run.

When it all comes down to it, a short run outside in the sunshine is way better than moping around at home ANY DAY! Trying to find inspiration daily can be tough but I know I have it within me somewhere. Thanks for listening to my rant…

 

Have you ever felt really intimidated by your surroundings?

 

What pulled you out of it?

My Wave is Coming.

I’ve been avoiding writing a blog for a week or two due to the fact that once I really write about it, it makes it real-er. What is ‘it’? ‘It’ is the stress fracture that my doctor saw on the MRI I got. A stress fracture in my sacrum—which, according to my almost-doctor-roommate, doctor friend, and actual doctor I went to see—it’s a hard bone to fracture. I guess I’m just that talented! So besides going crazy what am I doing, you ask? I’ve been lifting, biking, sleeping in, listening to my body. I’ve had to listen reallllly hard. Usually I ignore those aches and pains and power through the pain and just attribute it to soreness—but this time it’s different, I truly need to let my body heal. And this is going to take time. Today is week 6.

 A while ago a man I met on the road gave me a book. He’s a fellow runner and athlete and gave me the book called The Wave: In Pursuit of the Rogues, Freaks and Giants of the Ocean. Nothing to do with running really, but about the people in Hawaii chasing the biggest wave they can find. Catching that high that makes them get up in the morning, head to the beach and get on their board to surf this crazy ocean that seems angry, the water gets so big and so powerful I wonder why anyone would want to put themselves in the middle of that fight.

The book is great, I’m fascinated with this lifestyle. But then I hear about how these men, all of them, have suffered broken bones, impalings on the reefs, cuts, bruises, sprains, stitches and concussions. Yet they still go back. They heal, they bounce back and maybe they’re better for it. They’re out for weeks, maybe months healing, watching their friends catch the big waves and supporting them while they have to sit on the beach and watch. That’s me. I’m sitting out. Every week I get an email from my running group, Bob tells the group how far they need to run to be in condition for their spring time marathon, where and when they’re meeting. Then I text my friend and wish her a good run, and she texts me back saying she’ll miss my company on the run but “get healthy!”

The running community is a great support. I’m lucky to be a part of it, but I’m broken right now but I will be back, I will train for that rogue, freak or giant that is out there for me to conquer. This time off is just going to make me stronger for it…

Off to the recumbent bike and some weights! For those of you training, those of you who have been supportive to me in my craziness—thank you. Good luck in your races! I’ll be cheering for you!!!