Stop The Should-ing

For some reason I carry around a lot of guilt. I do a lot of “should-ing” and I fill my brain and heart with these ideas of what I’m doing wrong instead of what I’m doing right. Day in and day out there is constant flow of negativity running through my mind. It’s like an endless wall of ants marching to bring their Queen Ant food. You put something in the ant’s way and they just find a different path OR just climb over the obstical. There is no room for any other way to think. I don’t know if I can stop that train of ants from creeping into my mind but I can try and devert them and slow them down by listing a few things I’ve done well or right for myself so far in 2016.

  1. I rested. I didn’t work out for a full week. My FitBit read 1,087 steps on Friday and 1,123 steps on Sunday. I rested because I’ve been sick. I WAS SICK–NOT LAZY.
  2. I said ‘No’. Latly, when it comes to my career, I’ve been running around the city of Chicago like a crazy person. Picking up new clients, new jobs, hours and skills. My new boss asked me for more of my time. She asked me to come in on Tuesday morning and then come back for a closing shift. That would be I would be there at 8am-3pm. Clock out. Come back at 5:30pm-9pm. It takes me 45 minutes to get home from work. So I would basically either have 30 minutes to chill at home before coming back or go sit at Starbucks for two hours. Nope. I said, “I just can’t do that at this point.” Saying ‘no’ is so scary. But so empoowering.
  3.  I asked for company. Being sick is boring. I asked someone for company and he came from across town and watched cooking shows from the early 2000’s with me on Netflix. He let me be whiny and terrible. (Don’t worry, I wasn’t contagious.)
  4. I stretched. I’m the worse at stretching. And my sore back and tight shoulders are the ones that pay the price. I’ve made it a habit to sit with my clients and stretch along side with them. Teaching them how to stretch on their own and giving my muscles the attention they deserve.
  5. I got to therapy. Every. Damn. Week. Life got rough and I needed help, (I know, white girl, first world problems) but you know what? SHUT UP. . Problems are in the eye of the problem-holder and I’m not going to apologize or explain to anyone about my life and my issues. In October I started seeing a therapist and it’s honestly the best health-thing I’ve done for myself, ever.

This list was a lot harder to sit down and write than I origonally anticipated. I kept reverting back to “Well, I could say this, but actually I SHOULD have done it this way…” My brain is hard wired to “should on myself” and I’m sick of it. I can’t be the only one that does this. Share with me. Share times you’ve taken time for yourself and DIDN’T beat yourself up for what you “should” have done.

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