A Small Part of a Huge Journey

Apparently when asked to write for SOMEONE ELSE’S site I’m fulling capable of whipping up a piece that I’m proud of. Please take a moment to read my blog post on amazing woman’s site, Nikki Nigl, and then take another few minutes to check out what she’s doing for the women in the community. She’s pretty amazing and I’m so happy to be a part of this journey.

Stop The Should-ing

For some reason I carry around a lot of guilt. I do a lot of “should-ing” and I fill my brain and heart with these ideas of what I’m doing wrong instead of what I’m doing right. Day in and day out there is constant flow of negativity running through my mind. It’s like an endless wall of ants marching to bring their Queen Ant food. You put something in the ant’s way and they just find a different path OR just climb over the obstical. There is no room for any other way to think. I don’t know if I can stop that train of ants from creeping into my mind but I can try and devert them and slow them down by listing a few things I’ve done well or right for myself so far in 2016.

  1. I rested. I didn’t work out for a full week. My FitBit read 1,087 steps on Friday and 1,123 steps on Sunday. I rested because I’ve been sick. I WAS SICK–NOT LAZY.
  2. I said ‘No’. Latly, when it comes to my career, I’ve been running around the city of Chicago like a crazy person. Picking up new clients, new jobs, hours and skills. My new boss asked me for more of my time. She asked me to come in on Tuesday morning and then come back for a closing shift. That would be I would be there at 8am-3pm. Clock out. Come back at 5:30pm-9pm. It takes me 45 minutes to get home from work. So I would basically either have 30 minutes to chill at home before coming back or go sit at Starbucks for two hours. Nope. I said, “I just can’t do that at this point.” Saying ‘no’ is so scary. But so empoowering.
  3.  I asked for company. Being sick is boring. I asked someone for company and he came from across town and watched cooking shows from the early 2000’s with me on Netflix. He let me be whiny and terrible. (Don’t worry, I wasn’t contagious.)
  4. I stretched. I’m the worse at stretching. And my sore back and tight shoulders are the ones that pay the price. I’ve made it a habit to sit with my clients and stretch along side with them. Teaching them how to stretch on their own and giving my muscles the attention they deserve.
  5. I got to therapy. Every. Damn. Week. Life got rough and I needed help, (I know, white girl, first world problems) but you know what? SHUT UP. . Problems are in the eye of the problem-holder and I’m not going to apologize or explain to anyone about my life and my issues. In October I started seeing a therapist and it’s honestly the best health-thing I’ve done for myself, ever.

This list was a lot harder to sit down and write than I origonally anticipated. I kept reverting back to “Well, I could say this, but actually I SHOULD have done it this way…” My brain is hard wired to “should on myself” and I’m sick of it. I can’t be the only one that does this. Share with me. Share times you’ve taken time for yourself and DIDN’T beat yourself up for what you “should” have done.

Anger

I’m angry. I’m not an angry person at all. I’m fairly mellow, maybe too mellow type of person sometimes. But being unable to hit the trails or sidewalks—hell, I can’t even walk without cringing in pain… I’m becoming angry and crazy. I am living/suffering proof that running is therapy. It’s MY therapy. Running clears my head and balances my life a bit better than any other form of psychoanalysis I’ve ever put myself through. (Can I get an AMEN?)

Not being able to run sucks. Yupp, I said it—these past few weeks hobbling around in pain, unable to jump, run or detox my brain have been hard. Not only physically am I suffering, but mentally I’m losing it. A few years ago I was unable to run for nearly an entire summer, but I went to the gym daily, talked about running all day while working at Gazelle Sports, helped people get into the right shoes and prepare for their race. For some reason that sufficed, but I have since become more of a ‘runner’ and need that endorphin lift I get from moving my body.

Now I’m unable to run once again, I’m still going to the gym regularly; however, I’ve found myself to be stressed out, annoyed and downright angry. I’m angry at all those runners outside in the spring weather, while I’m slaving away on the elliptical. Yesterday a woman hopped on the treadmill and started running—I was sooooooooooo angry. I was angry at her not because she was running but because she was running INSIDE when it was 62 degrees and sunny out! Puh-leeeeeze!! How could she be on the treadmill?! Teasing and taunting me with her perfect pace, her upcoming half marathon, and then had the nerve to complain that it was too hot in the gym! Maybe the steam coming out of my ears was what was making the gym so hot, my tension release comes so easily to those non-injured.

 Anyone who has felt that ‘exercise high’ we all strive for will know how I feel and what I’m talking about. So I ask you to do me a favor on your next run, walk, and exercise routine: take a moment to breathe it in. Take a moment to appreciate what your body is doing for you, and in turn, what you are doing for your body. That feeling of clarity, sweat, and the ability to power your body forward and use your muscles is priceless. Enjoy it, savor it, and do it as often as you can.

I’m off to the MD tomorrow in hopes of figuring out how I can get back to running. In the mean time I’ll be the girl in the corner doing squats, lunges and waiting in line for the elliptical.