life

Inspiration From A Lonely Run

/ Sloan / 7 Comments

For the last two months I have not only been surrounded by runners, but surrounded by world class athletes. Everyday I hear about another race my boss has won, is competing in, or another hundred miler my co-worker is getting paid to run by his sweet sponsors. I run with the ladies group run, errrrr, I run behind them, huffing and puffing trying to keep up while I hear laughter and training plans they have laid out for their spring ULTRA.

I see a picture of another co-worker on a New Balance poster, starring at me intensely, I know that he helped design one of the shoes I’m trying to sell every day. A female co-worker is a student, teaches spin, personal trains and is training for an ultra, and Ironman and applying to grad school, (aka she’s Superwoman) I hear whispers of the ‘girl from Born to Run’ works there…she doesn’t, but she and her dog come and hang out a lot.

Needless to say the list could go on, I am surrounded by amazing people, amazing athletes and should be inspired. But being around all these incredible people is intimidating. I’m no great athlete, I lace my shoes up, I run, I work out, I like it but can by no means make any sort of money off it. It’d be sweet if I could, but it’s not one of my dreams.

I should be inspired. But unfortunately it’s doing the opposite. I’m putting immense pressure on myself to do better. I’d love to run an ultra one day, I have wanted to for awhile, but at this point my looming stress fracture won’t and lack of real motivation won’t allow it. So what do I do?

I was feeling super down about this earlier in the week. This pressure, intimidation and self-reflection is all put on by myself, these people I see daily are AWESOME and it’s my own issues making me feel this way, FYI.

I think it was a combination of things, but feeling inadequate athletically was definitely one of them. Invited to go on a ladies group run, I mentally had decided that I didn’t want to go, I didn’t feel like getting left behind and feeling bad about myself and my running again. I didn’t want to run at all to be honest.

Some how I forced myself outside and did and I realize that being a lone exerciser isn’t such a bad thing. I need to feel good with my run before I share it with others. I learned this week that I can push myself pretty hard at the gym or on the road when I really want to. Remember that was super important for me to get out the door and feel good about my run.

When it all comes down to it, a short run outside in the sunshine is way better than moping around at home ANY DAY! Trying to find inspiration daily can be tough but I know I have it within me somewhere. Thanks for listening to my rant…

 

Have you ever felt really intimidated by your surroundings?

 

What pulled you out of it?

Which Are You??

/ Sloan / 4 Comments

“This is why I moved here,” as my fellow east coaster friend and I rounded a bend and saw the view of Mount Shasta I know we were both thinking it, I said it out loud. The trails here in Southern Oregon are incredible. In-cred-ible! We both moved here from the mid-Atlantic to be happier and then we figured we figure it out as we go.

As our conversation progressed on our 3 hour trail run topics progressed from all over the board: men, work, running, roommates, religion, moving…etc. My friend started talking about a woman she works with and couldn’t help but notice that this woman seems to be young, beautiful, married but works a whole lot! Like, a lot a lot. So much that I think the only time she’s outside is when she’s between her house and her car and her car and work…unless she has a garage, and then maybe parks in an underground parking structure…anyway, this woman seems to do nothing but work and then grocery shop on her days off. BORING.

 

Why am I talking about some woman I don’t even know? I’ve never met her, why do I care what she does? I don’t, really. But I know lots of people like her and it makes me kind of sad and curious. Did she never have the chance to figure out what she loves? Is she happy?  Makes me think about something I’ve heard people say as a concept of life: I live to work. OR I work to live. Which one are you?

Do you spend your days at work dreaming to get out, planning your next trip, gearing up to experience something alone or with a friend in a new place? Or do you get up in the morning and go to bed each night with work on your mind, making money your first thought, paying off those bills so you can enjoy the good life LATER?

My friend and I ran and ran and ran for three hours yesterday. Winding through the trail systems that put my old ‘trails’ to shame. Talking, laughing, detoxing from our week of working—this is one of my favorite ways to feel good about life. Knowing that I have the opportunity and love of the outdoors to detach myself from the everyday struggles and stresses of life. My jobs are to allow me to do what I want know, they let me live where I want and let me do what I want right now.

 

I chose to work so I can live. Don’t get me wrong, I want to enjoy my job and be full filled, but I’m also beginning to understand that there is so much more than work. I want to work, I want to learn, I want to play, I want to figure out the best balance of being able to do it all and be full filled and enriched!

 

Now how do I do that? Quarter life crisis countdown is on… T-minus 6 days! Eeeeeeek!!

I’m a Quitter For sure

/ Sloan / Leave a comment

SourceURL:file:///Users/sloandorr/Desktop/TheSoleSeach/Now.doc

Now, back to the topic of my birthday. The day, January 18th, is quickly approaching and with each passing day I’m feeling the pressure of What The Fuck Am I Doing With My Life??? looming over my head like a (insert cheesy metaphor here, one like: black stormy rain cloud.

Annnnnnnnd cue quarter life crisis music: brain spinning, grad school thoughts, cheap tickets to Mexico and a bungalow with a beautiful lover, thoughts of living in my mother’s basement, being single for the rest of my life, working retail into my 30s or 40s, wasted youth…etc etc…

 

All through life I’ve witnessed people living to work; being unhappy in their career, their relationships, their bodies, their emotional state, their living situation, etc… I’ve never been one to do that, I generally quit if I’m really that unhappy. (this is where we show a montage of my life: losing 80 pounds, dropping out of college, quitting a stupid job, going back and finishing college, quitting a great ‘career’ job to move to the mountains…)

 

I’m a quitter. And I’m  happy about it.

 

Now I’m approaching a quarter of a century and am not sure where or why this path has taken me this direction. Sure I have two fun jobs, I get to talk about fitness and running all day, meet cool people, play in the woods and stare at the mountains—but really, lets be honest here, I can only mooch off my mother’s insurance for another year, after that I’m on my own and I don’t think two part time jobs will do it for me forever. Neither financially or be as full filling as I want them to be.

 

An old co-worker of mine posted a scene called Ten Things from an award winning video from the 5 Point Film Festival, I just watched it and am literally wiping the tears away. It’s amazing what speaks to you at certain times in your life, this video is speaking directly to me, in my face, at my feelings and forcing me to evaluate and reflect. Please do the same as you watch this amazing piece.

The Ten Things from Jeremy Collins on Vimeo.