At the gym yesterday (I know, gym? In the summer? Believe me, when its 103 outside the gym is way better than running the streets, and mooching the a/c and watching free Olympics coverage…it was a win-win.) I was in the woman’s locker room using the restroom and notice a naked woman standing in front of the mirror alone. As I closed the door to the stall I kept my eye on her (in the least creepy way as possible) starring at herself, clearly judging body.
She was touching her belly button, noticing the curves of her breast, the stretch marks on her hips darker than the rest of her skin. Her hair still wet from the shower, she threw it behind her shoulders in frustration. Naked woman was probably in her early 40s, had enough confidence to stand completely and utterly stark naked in the middle of the gym locker room and stare herself down, yet I could see in her reflection the judgment she was passing. The hate she had for the bit of un-toned arm between her breast and armpit, she judge it and dropped her hand and her side, brushing her rounded bottom, annoyed with this action too.
Sitting on the toilette spying on this woman through the crack, I wished I could hear her inner dialogue. Suddenly she moved out of view, I finished up my business and stepped out only to hear the crash of the analogue scale being thrown back to zero. She was clearly unhappy with the weight the scale told her.
This made me start to think about myself, how I view my body, how I’ve viewed my body in the past and all that negative self-talk that we all create from time to time. I remember being 11 years old and grabbing my belly crying wishing I could just some how cut off the fat. When I was 14 I figured I was going to be heavy my entire life and feeling bad about it would ‘just go away’ when I got older. As I lost weight as a 19 and 20 year old I heard older women in my life have negative self-talk about how jealous they were of my youth and ability to lose weight and how they were not feeling good in their bodies. Does this negative inner voice ever quiet itself?
How can make sure we treating our bodies, minds and souls with the respect they deserve.They are the only ones we have, so we need to keep them healthy and happy. What are you doing today to keep your body, mind, heart, soul healthy?
3 thoughts on “Negativity”
Your post literally made me weep! At nearly 60, I continue to despise myself and my body. How did we become so critical of ourselves? Thanks for sharing!
I think we all have the power to try and support one another in this battle we all face. You are beautiful. Remind yourself of that everyday no matter how hard.
A good step is to throw away and never look at a Cosmo or Shape or any such women’s magazine again. I firmly believe that they are toxic to one’s self esteem.