thailand

Who is Being Created?

/ Sloan / 2 Comments

I can remember from when I was a kid people watching. At school, or at restaurants, later on in life at the airport I would make up conversations people were having from afar. I’d give them lives, husbands, wives, brothers, sisters, and problems that needed solving or birthday parties they were late to. I would create a life for them and in an instant it would be gone when they walked away—they would have no idea that I had sat there watching them and creating an entire new life, maybe a better one, maybe not; I would never know.

 

I’ve never really thought about being on the other end of people watching. Do people watch me while I watch others? Are they creating a story, looking at my outfit trying to decide if I’m on my way to work or off to meet a friend? Are they giving me a lover? Am I cheating on him, is he cheating on me? Or are we madly in love setting off to see the world together? Who are they imagining I am?

 

I’ve been in Thailand for three weeks now and being looked at and noticed on the street is unavoidable. I’m the tall-er, big-ger farang that is walking around town with only two Thai words under her belt. (Taller and bigger according to a typical Thai woman that stands 5’1 and maybe weighs 100 pounds.)

 

Today I was brought to the  “Wat Yai” Temple by my director. All morning I could hear whispers of farang! Farang! behind me as I took off my size 8 flip-flops and placed them and their enormity next to the others, mostly sizes 5 and 6. As I bowed in prayer and got blessed by a Monk I felt eyes follow my each movement. I was sure to not to point the souls of my feet at the Buddha shine or touch the Monk who was walking the border of the prayer room, the last thing I needed to do was make someone’s internal story about me negative and how the American was so disrespectful.

Maybe as someone created a story about me today the noticed the tears welling in my eyes as I bowed, they noticed me asking questions, learning and praying for an open heart and an open mind. Praying to succeed, learn and teach on this journey in Thailand. The story, perhaps, was about a girl who was trying to be like the gold color of the Buddha.

 

The Buddha is gold because in near darkness it can be seen, it needs just a glimmer of light for it to shine and cut the darkness. Maybe that’s the story that was told internally by that little girl watching me from the corner, or the Monk sitting on the pedestal who blessed me with water.

 

Just a little bit of light to shine, that’s all anyone needs.

Wanted: Unicorns and Puppy Dogs

/ Sloan / 7 Comments

I, like so many twenty-somethings (heck, probably most people,) often wonder what am I doing? I’m currently asking myself this question from a little town in Central Thailand. I do many of the same things here as I did in my little valley town of Ashland only the back drop here is just slightly different. I sit in coffee shops and sip on americanos while writing in my journal, I Facebook, I read, I people watch, I wander the streets in hopes of finding someone I know or in hopes of meeting a new friend (however unlikely that is here).

I enjoy the small things here in SE Asia as well as in America, and I stress about them all the same—Thailand is no different, for some reason I thought I wouldn’t bring my normal stress here. I thought I’d be able to leave it behind, figure it out and breeze through this whole experience with Unicorns, rainbows and puppy dogs frolicking around me the entire time. Not the case.

—

 

I cried the other day. I stupidly cried. And I admitted to myself [and my director] that this is hard. Really hard. I found myself saying that this is a challenge. Which is fine [more than fine]. I heard myself tell her that because this is a challenge I can succeed. I will succeed. [I hadn’t realized that before the words popped out of my mouth.] This is what I signed up for. This challenge.

 

Looking back through my history I remember what successes I’ve had. Moments that were struggles, reasons that I cried, and steps I had to take to over come my fears. I’ve trained and run long races, I’ve had hard jobs, I’ve taken classes with tough professors. I can do this.

 

 

My mother has always said I’m stubborn (see number 3). Damn straight I’m stubborn.

 

Puppies are on the way

Puppies are on the way