I have a horoscope app on my phone and I generally read about my sign, the Strong and Stubborn Capricorn, everyday. I don’t know if I necessarily believe what it tells me but I do know that I like to read it to look at my life in a different light. It has a way of turning what I was processing into something else, or shedding light on a situation that I may not have paid attention to otherwise–it’s generally positive and encouraging so I figure “why not” read it!
The other day it said something about goal setting, not listening to what other people were telling me, realizing what I want and not thinking it was silly etc. I didn’t think much of it, it didn’t really sink in or resonate with my life for most of the day until I picked up my journal and started writing. I wasn’t writing about anything in particular, just normal life-obsessing-over-things-I-can’t-control stuff. and then it hit me. I realized I have a goal that is important to me and I wasn’t pursuing it because some other people didn’t seem to think it was that important. It’s something that virtually everyone my age has to deal with. Well–I don’t want to deal with it. It’s my new focus. This goal is something I wasn’t to start and finish and be done with for the rest of my life. So that’s what I’m working towards.
Capricorns are supposedly Goal-Setters and follow through-ers and Stubborn and Strong. So whether or not the date of my birth and the place of the sun versus the moon and if Mercury was in retrograde or not–I’m going to utilize these innate skills I’m supposed to have and push-on, carry-on and move the hell forward, because what else IS there to do?
I, like so many twenty-somethings (heck, probably most people,) often wonder what am I doing? I’m currently asking myself this question from a little town in Central Thailand. I do many of the same things here as I did in my little valley town of Ashland only the back drop here is just slightly different. I sit in coffee shops and sip on americanos while writing in my journal, I Facebook, I read, I people watch, I wander the streets in hopes of finding someone I know or in hopes of meeting a new friend (however unlikely that is here).
I enjoy the small things here in SE Asia as well as in America, and I stress about them all the same—Thailand is no different, for some reason I thought I wouldn’t bring my normal stress here. I thought I’d be able to leave it behind, figure it out and breeze through this whole experience with Unicorns, rainbows and puppy dogs frolicking around me the entire time. Not the case.
I cried the other day. I stupidly cried. And I admitted to myself [and my director] that this is hard. Really hard. I found myself saying that this is a challenge. Which is fine [more than fine]. I heard myself tell her that because this is a challenge I can succeed. I will succeed. [I hadn’t realized that before the words popped out of my mouth.] This is what I signed up for. This challenge.
Looking back through my history I remember what successes I’ve had. Moments that were struggles, reasons that I cried, and steps I had to take to over come my fears. I’ve trained and run long races, I’ve had hard jobs, I’ve taken classes with tough professors. I can do this.
My mother has always said I’m stubborn (see number 3). Damn straight I’m stubborn.
Puppies are on the way