life

Please, Don’t, Judge

/ Sloan / Leave a comment

Conversation today waxed and waned all the way up the mountain. We talked about random things, but the conversation some how led to how often I feel like what I’m reading, who I spend time with and my life all coincide nicely with each other. Currently I’ve been hiding the cover of my book when reading in public. I’m not only embarrassed to have jumped on this band wagon of people who love this book, but I’m shedding a tear or two every few pages, (what is wrong with me?!) I don’t even want to tell you what I’ve been burying my nose in… gahh! I’m almost done reading Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert. There, I said it. And I’m enjoying it. So there!

Lately I’ve been selfish. I mean, I’m a young single woman, I’m generally looking out for just myself, while at the same time trying to be kind to others, but at the end of the day I need to feel good. I need to be comfortable with myself. I need to love myself before I can love others, before I can share myself—so when I’m in situations that make me not like who I am, not feel good about what is going on, I leave. Simple.

I’ve recently learned to surround myself with some kick ass people who at the end of the day make me feel good and lift me up, and hopefully I’m doing the same for them.  If these uplifting people aren’t available I find something to do by myself. I’m learning to be alone and be okay with it. With travel opportunities afoot I need to be okay with being alone for long stretches of time.

Gilbert does this. She takes off for a year. She eats in Italy, prays in India and learns about love in Bali, alone—the whole book is really about a woman learning to love herself, learning how to treat herself with the respect we all deserve, learning how to just be. In this process she learns to give too, she spends her time being selfish with her meditation and prayer but in the end it creates a balance that makes her better in the rest of her life. I think selfishness gets a bad wrap sometimes. You can be selfish while still being kind, caring, compassionate and loving, by treating yourself well it opens doors to treat others even better.

Running and exercise is my retreat, it’s how I re-energize not only my body but also my soul. As much as I’ve loved sharing the trails with this new friend, I still do love to go out for a few miles just me and my thoughts. I still seem to think I’ll come home from a few miles and have solved world hunger or something…maybe tomorrow’s work out I’ll have it all figured out.

But for now I’m reading, trying to write, trying to figure out how to travel and all in all I’m trying to love myself so that I can love others better. Another conversation we had was all about the journey and not the destination, even if the destination is a goal you set for part of the journey…yeah, we went there—that’ll be another blog post coming soon.

Create By Watching Creativity

/ Sloan / 1 Comment

The music, the beat, the sounds; it moves them. They groove to it, they move their body in the way they’re supposed to, in sync with the woman wearing a costume the same as theirs, holding the prop, smiling at the audience—these are performers doing what they do best. They do this all while sending the message of love, compassion and unity.

Damn. I think. I have no beat and no rhythm. This art form that they believe in, not just believe in the end product, but believe in the process too. Hours of preparation, hours of costuming, chorography, planning, practicing—all leading up to their moment on stage to shine!

One solo performer, Cornflower, felt his music. You could see it flow up his spine and out his dread locked hair. His unique style moved me, made me tap my foot, inspired me to close my eyes and let it drip down my body until I was moving my body. Sitting in the grass his words of love and compassion floated in the air and touched every person in the audience. This gift, this awareness of music and power and beauty was inspirational through my entire body. My body wanted to move, my hands wanted to make art, my mind wanted to write a story.

Inspiration leads to more inspiration, right? I mean, that’s what a so-called muse is for. People feed off of one another, we learn from each other and eventually create something new from something we’ve seen, heard or felt. We steal from one another only to rebirth and re-gift it in a new form.

Earlier that day I spent time with a pretty centered acupuncturist who truly thrives on what he does. I’m always curious how healers and therapists separate themselves from the hurt and pain they hear from their clients; this man says that he must learn to not absorb the pain but work to help them work through it. Find the route of the issue, whether that is emotional stress manifesting in physical pain or vise versa, and treat it, using the skills he has.

Creativity is pretty powerful. The creative soul, the art created, the music, the mood, the motion—we all thrive and are inspired some how. Watching art makes me want to create art, talking with people who are passionate and sure of what they’re doing make me want to continue on my journey to finding what truly makes me tick, what can I do that will inspire this in someone else? What movement, what form of expression is next? I hope this performance stays with me long enough to create something else and in hopes inspire someone else to create or feel what I felt as I watched passion explode on stage.

Quirks

/ Sloan / 6 Comments

Who are you? We are all so many different people through out the day. At home you may be “Mom” or “Dad” or “Honey/Babe” you might just be your name or a cute nick name from your roommate… it’s okay to be single and not have children or a significant other IT’S OKAY! (This is what I tell myself as I wander aimlessly through my 20’s.)

Around your friends you may have some crazy personality quirks that come out. My friend Mike goes by “Turbo” with his work friends, he’s a raft guide and I’m not sure what earned the name Turbo, but I’m sure it’s a great story.

At work you could be “Boss Man” (that’s secretly what I call my boss.) you could be the ‘Coffee Bitch” (great title, I’d prefer to be that actually.) The other day at work I got called “Baby Girl” and now one of my co-workers refers to me as that sometimes.

Needless to say we all are different people throughout the day, right? Can we agree? We all have our quirks and ‘things’ that we do in different situations that make us who we are and feel comfortable in different social situations. Things we’re really good at, things we obsess over and make happen at different times. Little insignificant things we do that make us feel better.

At home I’m a mess. My bedroom is covered in clothes and stuff but I am obsessively neat about a few things. Like hanging my earrings or the way I tie my running shoes. I have to, I mean HAVE TO put the left shoe on, then I put on the right. Then I tie the left (carefully lacing it evenly) and then I tie the right. If someone hands me the right shoe I can’t put it on, it doesn’t feel right, (no pun intended.)

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At work I hang shorts—obsessively. I trace this back to my first retail job at Gazelle Sports and my first manager, Beth. Beth and I bonded right away, curly hair, loud laugh, a customer made my cry and she gave me the best (and most needed) hug ever, (do you remember that Beth?!) But Beth taught me how to hang shorts/pants and I soon became obsessed with making them perfect.

I’m not going to explain how to hang the short perfectly but I just want to thank my friend Beth for creating a super obsession with the way shorts are hung. At my current job that’s what I do when there are no customers, when I got shopping that’s what I do when I don’t see anything I want…it’s a never ending task. I should be called “The Hanger” instead of Baby Girl.

Not sure where the shoe-tying thing came from, or if I do anything specific in other parts of my life but these are two things that are quirky and cannot go unnoticed by me.  These things help make me who I am. Help mold the awesomeness that is Sloan. Who are you? Do you change what/who you are from situation to situation? I try to stay pretty true to myself in every aspect of my life, but my friends probably don’t know about my obsessive shorts hanging and re-hanging. My co-workers don’t know that I have to hang my earrings up before bed or how I can’t be ‘matchy-matchy’ when I get dressed (I didn’t talk about this one, that whole other blog post/obsession.)

What do you do?! People who read this MUST have something to add, don’t leave me hanging after admitting these weird things.