life

Wanted: Unicorns and Puppy Dogs

/ Sloan / 7 Comments

I, like so many twenty-somethings (heck, probably most people,) often wonder what am I doing? I’m currently asking myself this question from a little town in Central Thailand. I do many of the same things here as I did in my little valley town of Ashland only the back drop here is just slightly different. I sit in coffee shops and sip on americanos while writing in my journal, I Facebook, I read, I people watch, I wander the streets in hopes of finding someone I know or in hopes of meeting a new friend (however unlikely that is here).

I enjoy the small things here in SE Asia as well as in America, and I stress about them all the same—Thailand is no different, for some reason I thought I wouldn’t bring my normal stress here. I thought I’d be able to leave it behind, figure it out and breeze through this whole experience with Unicorns, rainbows and puppy dogs frolicking around me the entire time. Not the case.

—

 

I cried the other day. I stupidly cried. And I admitted to myself [and my director] that this is hard. Really hard. I found myself saying that this is a challenge. Which is fine [more than fine]. I heard myself tell her that because this is a challenge I can succeed. I will succeed. [I hadn’t realized that before the words popped out of my mouth.] This is what I signed up for. This challenge.

 

Looking back through my history I remember what successes I’ve had. Moments that were struggles, reasons that I cried, and steps I had to take to over come my fears. I’ve trained and run long races, I’ve had hard jobs, I’ve taken classes with tough professors. I can do this.

 

 

My mother has always said I’m stubborn (see number 3). Damn straight I’m stubborn.

 

Puppies are on the way

Puppies are on the way

Legit Thailand

/ Sloan / 4 Comments

After a rocky start of missing my flight (I won’t go into details for another few years…) I finally made it to Thailand. That’s right, I’m in Thailand, I have been for almost a week. I’m going to fast forward through all the orientation boringness and talk about the moment I put my running shoes on this afternoon.

 

–Side note: I have been surrounded by 90 other Farangs (Thai word for foreigner,) doing touristy stuff, learning how to speak a little bit of Thai, learning how to teach English too, I have finally landed myself in Kamphaeng Phet where I will be living and teaching for the next 6 months. Being on a summer-camp-like schedule left little time for exercise and too much time for eating.—

After hours of unpacking today I decided to do a bit of laundry and took that opportunity to do my foolproof maneuver to force myself to go for a run; I put on my running clothes while I still had a few more chores to get done. If I take the clothes off without running I have certainly failed, and I don’t like to fail. An hour later I was lacing up my brand new shoes and it was GLORIOUS.

Not only was this a first run in over 7 days, but it was my first run in THAILAND. I could go on and tell you about the ancient Buddhist ruins I wove my way around, I could tell you about all the Thai cyclists I saw and how jealous I was of one guy’s celest colored Bianchi, I could tell you about all the stray dogs along the path or the Thai kids that were chasing them…but really—what I mostly remember is how hot, sticky and humid it was. I mean, 5:30pm should not be that hot. I should not still be dehydrated from it—but when in Thailand, sweat like the Thais. Maybe I’ll get used to it, or maybe I’ll just be drinking a lot more water and learn to ration out my hydration electrolytes!

Chang!

Changchangchang!!!

Oh yeah—I also rode an elephant the other day. Siiiiiick!

Bittersweet Begging

/ Sloan / 2 Comments

Everything is starting to matter. Every little interaction is taking on the weight of the world and yelling from the rooftops that I’m going to missing out on something, or everything while I’m gone. This has been a fear of mine for years—the idea of missing out.

 

While I’m gone… this is the little phrase that continues to leave me baffled and confused continues to pop out of my mouth. Am I coming back? How long are you THERE, Sloan? I haven’t figured out the perfect answer yet. I’m committed to Thailand for six months, yet after that I have no other life plans. I can do anything for six months was the idea behind not signing on for A YEAR. A YEAR requires huge commitment (commitment is such a dirty little word). If I come back in April I could still get my job back selling shoes, I could still be involved in setting up that race, I could still train for that trail run in July—do I want to COME BACK?

 

Flash forward, or backwards, to yesterday; my second to last day at work. The Pride Parade danced down town and my friend saw me standing from the sidewalk, ran from her float and gave me a huge hug. Flash to Friday: 2.5 hours on the trail with my friend telling me how excited and brave I am, I’m not so sure. Flash to today, this morning, I’m up at 6am going for a run with some amazing ladies followed by a potluck party in the park tonight—all these people are coming to see me off. I’m not so sure.

 

All of the sudden each moment, each person, each little thing this town is offering me is sounding better than getting on a plane and running away to Thailand. It’s bittersweet, beautiful and begging me to stay. Yet if I stay I’ve failed, and do I really want to stay even if it was an option?

 

Then a friend, a previous college professor, a man who I bonded with over miles of road under our Bianchi’s tires every Tuesday evening, a man that left his wife in the US for Paris to study, sent me this:

 

Reminder

And that’s what I’m going to do.