Uncategorized

So I did a thing…

/ Sloan / Leave a comment

I apologize for my lack of blogging attention. Life has been INsane and I’m just trying to manage it all right now… good insane, just insane in general. But I wanted to pop on here and see if I could find some support from this community.

A few weeks ago I was working a race expo, (running race, where all the racer go to pickup their packet and get convinced to sign up for other races) yup, convinced to sign up for other races. That is what happened to me… Here’s a quick version of the story:

I went to the Girls on the Run table to talk about volunteer opportunities, and support a friend that was going to sign up to raise $1000 and run the Chicago Marathon to support this amazing program. If you’re interested in what it’s all about click HERE. Anyway, I volunteered for them for YEARS in college, it’s where I met one of my best friends, come to think of it–I got convinced into volunteering too, hmmmm, (ASHLEY!!!) Anyway, ten minutes later I’m picking what sized t-shirt I want to run in and being convinced that raising $1000 AND running a marathon is easy! ‘You have plenty of time, just train hard and ask for support!”

girls_on_the_run_logo

So. That’s what I’m doing. Along with beginning my marathon training soon, I am asking for your support.  Please consider donating. Every dollar makes a difference. All of the support I raise goes directly to the girls that are unable to pay the full tuition fee for this AMAZING program–with the scholarships that become available because of this fundraising effort EVERY single girl can attend this after school, life changing program.

Click HERE to donate. Feel free to pass my message along to anyone you think would be interested in supporting me and the 1000’s of girls in Chicago that want to be a part of this self-positive, body-positive, confidence building program.

My deepest thanks for whatever you are able to help with. EVERY dollar helps.

Love,

Sloan

 

 

 

 

 

My Voice Is Valid, Damnit.

/ Sloan / Leave a comment

I have always considered myself a girl with a loud and strong voice. Growing up I had an opinion about everything. Everything from what we were eating for dinner to not understanding why I wasn’t allowed to play tackle sports, like the boys were; I voiced what I thought no matter what. As I grew up my voice about women’s issues, politics, gay rights, environmentalism all got stronger. The voice about what I want for dinner and which movie to watch began to get smaller. That was okay–I typically felt and feel indifferent about those things. Or if not indifferent I felt that I could deal with whatever choice was made because I didn’t and don’t want to make the wrong choice and upset someone else.

Recently I’ve been put in the position where I have to ask for what I need. It seems like it should be easy. You have a need from a source that is supposed to be giving you that need and you ask for it. You ask for what you need. Simple. Period. Simple. So why am I struggling with this?

My friend Nikki Nigl is a huge proponent of the term “My voice is valid”. She makes a living by reminding women this fact. So why do so many of us battle with this? Why am I sitting at a coffee shop binge drinking my favorite dark roast anxiously awaiting a response to an email I just wrote. An email where I stated facts that I believed to be true about what I was told I was to receive and what I actually need?

921375_1677166012553958_8744941091693101075_o

Where did my self supporting voice go? Where did that little 9 year old girl with red cheeks, tears spilling over and a voice so sure of herself end up? Memories of tears, and plea’s, and absolute absolutes that I needed to have this or that toy or adventure, where did that go? Did I use all of it up? Is there a finite amount of confidence we’re allotted and I just used mine up before I became a teenager?

I still have a voice. I know that this voice can be loud and proud and angry. I get tears of frustration and anger that well up in my eyes when I hear on the news that my lesbian or gay friends could be fired for being who they are, I give a small amount of money to the Human Rights Campaign monthly to have a voice and support it. I call bullshit when Planned Parenthood’s funds are threatened and will fight tooth and bone with anyone for women’s right to chose. I also find myself defending co-workers and friends to people starting rumors and talking crap.

But ask me to stand up for what I need and I crumble. I sit in therapy for an hour and half and talk about how XXX isn’t working for me. I’m not getting what I was told I would get and I cower, hide and cry. I cry because I’m scared to say what I need. I cry because I’m afraid of how I’ll make the other person feel. I cry because I don’t want to be attacked and made to feel wrong. I don’t cry out of passion and stand up and shout what I need. I cry and curl up and whisper I don’t want to rock the boat and cause issues. 

Nine year old me is unimpressed. 29 year old me is frustrated and working on it.

 

 

 

 

 

Frustration

/ Sloan / Leave a comment

Frustration grows when you can’t do what you want.

I’ve struggled with some stomach issue for the past seven days, (I’ll spare you the gory details,) but at the end of it, I pretty much survived off of saltines and chicken broth for the better part of last week. Those two items fail to give an active body the energy she needs–so my brain was foggy, I had to re-arrange my clients because by 3pm I couldn’t really concentrate long enough to count reps and encourage anyone to do anything. My mind was home, on my couch, in front of Netflix and hoping that adding avocado to my broth wouldn’t upset my stomach to too much. (It did…)

So for five days I slept a lot, did the bare minimum at work. Came home and went to bed. I didn’t work out, I didn’t swim, I ubered and took a lot of buses, instead of walking like I usual. I was all sorts out of wack. I went through the weekend doing all the social things I wanted to do and just paid the price that was coming when I decided to have a cocktail or two on a basically week long empty stomach. Thank goodness for stretchy leggings and dresses to hide my bloat and discomfort.

So my frustration has come from being unable to DO WHAT I WANT when I have been feeling a bit better. I’m by no means eating normal meals yet, but I’m able to eat enough to not feel like I’m foggy and going to fall over. I was invited to try out a Soul Cycle class this morning. YES!  A new challenge. I’ve never really been one for group classes, or riding a bike that’s going no where, but it was free and with my girls from works, so why not!?

Fast forward to about 25 minutes into the class: heart rate racing, sweat dripping into my eyes, feeling sick and dizzy and having a super cool instructor yelling for us to peddle harder and KEEP GOING.

DAMNIT, I CAN’T. (Any other day, any other week I would have been super into it, super excited, super stoked to be getting my ass kicked in a whole new way. But after a week of being sick–not so into it.)

So my frustration grows; I’m in shape, I’m fit, I can work HARDER THAN THIS. But this morning I couldn’t. And I had to remind myself of this through out the entire class. That not being able to push myself as hard as usual isn’t my fault. That getting sick happens and I’m still recovering. I had to say “Hey Sloan, remember that tiny breakfast you ate this morning?Remember how your stomach hurt after just 150 calories of oatmeal? That wasn’t enough fuel for this, don’t beat yourself up for recovering!”

Moral of this story–I started to get really mad and pissed at myself for not being able ‘to do it’ this morning. But, I did. I’m actively learning to give myself leeway, to be sure to approach fitness as something I get to do and enjoy it. And not have it be yet another reason to beat myself up. Moving your body is always the right decision, however, how hard you are able to push yourself may not be in your control. And relinquishing that control is just as hard as that Spin class.