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A Conversation With Myself

/ Sloan / Leave a comment

At about 1:35 every week day morning I’m relived when I wake up and look at my watch. I think “Thank god, I still have three and half more hours to sleep.” I get up, go to the bathroom and quickly drift back to whatever dream I was in the middle of. Then at about 4:48 I wake up again, “Damnit, why can’t you just sleep until it’s time to get up?” I drift back only to be awakened fifteen minutes later by my alarm that I set sometime yesterday for 5:03am. I leap, literally leap because the buzzing scares me, out of bed, grab my phone and some how in my sleepy stupor make it quiet. I crawl back into bed and lay there hugging my phone like I’m trying to shush a baby that has been crying.

“Just stay in bed, it’s fine, you’ll go after work.”

“No, no, no. Get your ass up. You KNOW you’ll feel better.”

“Take today off. Don’t even worry about it.”

“Get up NOW. You know you won’t do it later.”

 

Ultimately, the angelic voice of reason wins and I roll out of bed, shut off my other alarms, grab and apple and drive to the gym. I literally have this conversation with myself EVERY MORNING. I’ve yet to give in. I’m at the gym by 5:20am latest and have realized that this is the perfect time to be there. The woman at the front desk laughs at the mop of curls on my head that I haven’t yet bother to tame in a pony tail, I nod ‘hello’ to the two women in their 50’s counting the calories tick away on the treadmill. I awkwardly try to not get in the way of the Mexican dude that seems to be on a mission to make his pecs bigger while rocking a flat billed hat tilted to the left, (I mean really, who has time to think about accessories when you’re getting to the gym by 5:30??) This is the time for me to zone out, focus on me and get my self set and ready for the day.

By 6:05 the parking lot is full and the people who hit ‘snooze’ are showing up. The pregnant woman walks the track, two middle aged guys throw around a basketball and I put down my weights and hit the elliptical for a few more minutes before heading home in the still glowing moonlight.   By 6:25 I’m in and out of the shower and making breakfast.

I’m never mad that I made it to the gym. I’ve had thoughts of turning the car around and crawling back into bed for another hour but then I know how angry I would be at myself. I’m a routine person, I’m learning that with this sort of routine I tend to succeed in more areas of my life, I smile more, I laugh more, I feel better and accomplish more. As much as I love and still am spontaneous I’m appreciating what I have right now and developing some habits that I know will help me accomplish even more in the long run.

A Tea Morning

/ Sloan / 6 Comments

I hate hate hate hate to admit I’m wrong, luckily it rarely happens so I only have to endure it a few times a year… But I have been off of coffee for over two weeks now and to my surprise I am not dead, I’m not miserable and I’m not lacking energy for my day to day obligations. I’m fine. I look forward to opening the little paper square my tea bag comes in, reading the uplifting message on the tab at the end of the string. I love the color it turns when I pour almond milk into the mug and the smell of vanilla and cinnamon wafts up and warms my face.

I also love that my skin is clearing up. For the past three years I have covered my face in make up to hide the blemishes that scattered on my cheeks, I hate wearing that much make-up. I hate going to the gym and seeing my cheeks not only red from exertion but red and speckled from the adolescent symptoms my face can’t seem to leave behind. I’m not sure if I can 100% attribute the better skin to the lack of coffee and caffeine in my diet but for now it’s motivation enough to continue on with the experiment.

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I’m a Capricorn, Hear Me ROAR

/ Sloan / Leave a comment

I have a horoscope app on my phone and I generally read about my sign, the Strong and Stubborn Capricorn, everyday. I don’t know if I necessarily believe what it tells me but I do know that I like to read it to look at my life in a different light. It has a way of turning what I was processing into something else, or shedding light on a situation that I may not have paid attention to otherwise–it’s generally positive and encouraging so I figure “why not” read it!

The other day it said something about goal setting, not listening to what other people were telling me, realizing what I want and not thinking it was silly etc. I didn’t think much of it, it didn’t really sink in or resonate with my life for most of the day until I picked up my journal and started writing. I wasn’t writing about anything in particular, just normal life-obsessing-over-things-I-can’t-control stuff. and then it hit me. I realized I have a goal that is important to me and I wasn’t pursuing it because some other people didn’t seem to think it was that important. It’s something that virtually everyone my age has to deal with. Well–I don’t want to deal with it. It’s my new focus. This goal is something I wasn’t to start and finish and be done with for the rest of my life. So that’s what I’m working towards.

Capricorns are supposedly Goal-Setters and follow through-ers and Stubborn and Strong. So whether or not the date of my birth and the place of the sun versus the moon and if Mercury was in retrograde or not–I’m going to utilize these innate skills I’m supposed to have and push-on, carry-on and move the hell forward, because what else IS there to do?