Author: Sloan

Where Have I Been?

/ Sloan / Leave a comment

Seriously. I’ve been uninspired and struggling with creativity and lack of motivation. Where have I been? In a hole, in a chair, on the phone, in bed, lost in Nextflix and Facebook worlds. I spent the winter sitting behind a computer making cold calls trying to sell tickets to the Sr. PGA Golf Tournament. I spent time with people who love the game, love what they’re doing and are passionate about their jobs–that was inspirational.  I wasn’t feeling like I was in my element. I spent a lot of time being jealous and anxious wanting something that I don’t have. I spent too much time looking at pictures on Facebook and InstaGram being incredibly jealous and upset that I was not climbing mountains, drinking that fabulous cocktail, meeting that famous person… I struggle daily to find my path.

“Jealousy consumeth the body and anger doth burn the liver. Avoid these two as you would a lion.” BAHA’U’LLAH

I still don’t know what path I’m on. I still have no clue where I’ll be or what I’ll be doing in a month. I know I won’t be in Michigan any more. I hope I won’t be slinging beers. Following a passion, running toward it is the path I want to take. Right now, living where I live and doing what I’m doing is not okay. It’s not inspirational or exciting. I’m going to jump soon. I’m going to jump without looking first and have a bit of faith in myself that when I land I’ll land running toward something great.  

A Conversation With Myself

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At about 1:35 every week day morning I’m relived when I wake up and look at my watch. I think “Thank god, I still have three and half more hours to sleep.” I get up, go to the bathroom and quickly drift back to whatever dream I was in the middle of. Then at about 4:48 I wake up again, “Damnit, why can’t you just sleep until it’s time to get up?” I drift back only to be awakened fifteen minutes later by my alarm that I set sometime yesterday for 5:03am. I leap, literally leap because the buzzing scares me, out of bed, grab my phone and some how in my sleepy stupor make it quiet. I crawl back into bed and lay there hugging my phone like I’m trying to shush a baby that has been crying.

“Just stay in bed, it’s fine, you’ll go after work.”

“No, no, no. Get your ass up. You KNOW you’ll feel better.”

“Take today off. Don’t even worry about it.”

“Get up NOW. You know you won’t do it later.”

 

Ultimately, the angelic voice of reason wins and I roll out of bed, shut off my other alarms, grab and apple and drive to the gym. I literally have this conversation with myself EVERY MORNING. I’ve yet to give in. I’m at the gym by 5:20am latest and have realized that this is the perfect time to be there. The woman at the front desk laughs at the mop of curls on my head that I haven’t yet bother to tame in a pony tail, I nod ‘hello’ to the two women in their 50’s counting the calories tick away on the treadmill. I awkwardly try to not get in the way of the Mexican dude that seems to be on a mission to make his pecs bigger while rocking a flat billed hat tilted to the left, (I mean really, who has time to think about accessories when you’re getting to the gym by 5:30??) This is the time for me to zone out, focus on me and get my self set and ready for the day.

By 6:05 the parking lot is full and the people who hit ‘snooze’ are showing up. The pregnant woman walks the track, two middle aged guys throw around a basketball and I put down my weights and hit the elliptical for a few more minutes before heading home in the still glowing moonlight.   By 6:25 I’m in and out of the shower and making breakfast.

I’m never mad that I made it to the gym. I’ve had thoughts of turning the car around and crawling back into bed for another hour but then I know how angry I would be at myself. I’m a routine person, I’m learning that with this sort of routine I tend to succeed in more areas of my life, I smile more, I laugh more, I feel better and accomplish more. As much as I love and still am spontaneous I’m appreciating what I have right now and developing some habits that I know will help me accomplish even more in the long run.

A Tea Morning

/ Sloan / 6 Comments

I hate hate hate hate to admit I’m wrong, luckily it rarely happens so I only have to endure it a few times a year… But I have been off of coffee for over two weeks now and to my surprise I am not dead, I’m not miserable and I’m not lacking energy for my day to day obligations. I’m fine. I look forward to opening the little paper square my tea bag comes in, reading the uplifting message on the tab at the end of the string. I love the color it turns when I pour almond milk into the mug and the smell of vanilla and cinnamon wafts up and warms my face.

I also love that my skin is clearing up. For the past three years I have covered my face in make up to hide the blemishes that scattered on my cheeks, I hate wearing that much make-up. I hate going to the gym and seeing my cheeks not only red from exertion but red and speckled from the adolescent symptoms my face can’t seem to leave behind. I’m not sure if I can 100% attribute the better skin to the lack of coffee and caffeine in my diet but for now it’s motivation enough to continue on with the experiment.

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