Author: Sloan

The Death Of Joy

/ Sloan / 1 Comment

Someone posted a quote on Instagram a while ago about ‘comparison’. It went something like: “Comparison is the death of joy.” These words cannot ring truer to myself and probably most women and I imagine most men too. I guess everyone can probably be included. Comparing ourselves to someone else will kill what joy you have in your life.

I believe that when we compare it’s not only going to lead us to seeing the differences it’s going to lead us to other negative emotions. What do I mean? What do I compare myself to and how does that make me react? I am the queen of comparing myself to others, I, and I’m sure many others, do it unconsciously and therefore it’s really hard to try and stop.

My list of evil comparisons:
-Body type. (I’m not thin enough, strong enough, fit enough. My legs are too short, my boobs too small, my waist isn’t as defined as her waist.)
-Creativity. (SHE’S a way better writer than me.)
-Productivity. (WOW, my roommates get so much more done in a day than I do.)
-Hair. (I wish I could pull off bangs.)
-Teeth. (Better buy me some whitening strips.)
-Style. (Damn, why can’t I dress like THAT.)
-Relationship status. (Being single is only cool for so long… let’s get real, EVERYONE on Facebook is getting engaged.)
-Travel. (Sorry, hiding you from my newsfeed. Pictures of you eating naan and mediating in the desert are making me jealous.)

Jealous. Shit.

For me, that’s what comparison comes down to. Jealousy. And where does jealousy get us in the long run? I can stare at the stylish chick across the street wishing I had her boots, perfect hair and not even notice myself rear ending the 1972 mint condition VW Beetle until I’m whiplashed and hoping the owner didn’t notice… and then I’m jealous of whom ever is driving that car… it’s vicious cycle.

Then my Jealousy wonders… is someone jealous of ME? “Nooooooooo… Don’t be silly”, she says, “your hair is frizzy, your butt is huge and you’re living la vida single… come on…”

Wait.
Isn’t Jealousy’s worst enemy is Confidence? Confidence is big and tall and has shoulders that likes to push negativity out of the way. She doesn’t need to argue with Jealousy because she knows that she’s wrong and knows that comparing is evil and only leads to depressed nights on the couch ‘should-ing’ herself until it’s time to go to bed. Confidence will dance her way around the kitchen eating something that nourishes her body and doesn’t give a second thought to the serving size because she worked hard today and her body is telling her what she needs.

Some how, in a parallel universe I think that Jealousy and Confidence can play together. They can sit at the bar and enjoy each other’s company. Jealousy can bring ideas, wants and needs to the table. She can bring to head the fact that, yeah, maybe something needs to change. Confidence can show her how to make those changes. She can be the movement and motivation to turn what Jealousy is saying and throw a positive twist on it–making Jealousy believe in herself.

Maybe your hair isn’t just frizzy, it’s fun and wild! And girl, that booty is something the boys TALK about. And give us a break, being single is great–at least you’re not lost in some dead end relationship or married unhappily. EMBRACE IT.

So, instead of comparing, let’s embrace. Let’s utilize our differences and build one another up to create a world of Confidnces and Jealousys that can work together to be amazing.

Freedom At 2am

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Thinking about going outside, in the dark, alone, is intimidating. Flashing lights, blinking red reflectors, unseeable terrain ahead I take a deep breath and strap on my helmet.

I’ve rode bikes on wooded trail with a headlamp strapped to the top of my head, racing against the clock and pushing my teammates up the next switch back or following them down the final hill to the end of a race, or the end of that stage in the race. These moments were hard mentally and physically but I never once hesitated. I just did it.

Now, here in Chicago, I tend to linger at the bar after work a little bit longer. I have to psych myself up to re-attach my front wheel, unlock my U-lock that keeps the frame safe from crooks and I have to take a deep breath when I put the blinking lights on my handlebars and as I climb into the saddle I’m truly a bit afraid. It’s dark, kinda cold, the air is now damp and there’s a slight breeze that never seems to cease from Lake Michigan–I both love and hate that cool push of air.

But once I’m in the seat, once I begin peddling I forget that fear. There are fewer cars, the adrenaline doesn’t need to flow as hard as it does during the day; freedom is ahead and I’m rolling towards it self propelled and on two wheels. A ride home at 2am is a ride through a city that not everyone gets to see. It’s a quiet and calm city that during the day is rushed and stressed but at 2am she’s serene and relaxed. At 2am she bears her soul to those that will listen.

Freedom awaits at a 2am ride, however every time I have to saddle up and go I’m scared. It takes me a while to convince myself to go, but I always do and I never regret the silent moments we have.

The Best Date

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I’ve been with this person for years, we’ve been through just about everything someone can go through. We’ve seen happy moments, tragic moments, excitement and disappointment. We’ll never part ways, that I’m sure. I think I’ve found ‘the one’. So last week I treated with a day long date.

I took myself on a date in Chicago.

It started out with a lovely morning of tea and my book. After dressing in an outfit that made me feel beautiful and colorful I took myself out for a long walk. We strolled for a few miles through my neighborhood and eventually crossed a bridge that took me into Logan Square. Window shopping along the way I enjoyed my thoughts and evaluated my feelings on living in Chicago for just over a month. While I ate lunch outside I focused on the meal and people watched as they walked by with dogs on leashes, boyfriends clutching hands and children grasping onto a mother’s hip. I was happy to be in just the company of myself, no responsibility or obligation for the day, it was my day–I took that moment to remind myself where I was and how for the first time in my life I felt like I am here.

I’m not three years ago when I was in my early 20’s, in college and basically care free. I’m not two months from now when I take a trip to Oregon or next year when I dream to be able to buy a ticket abroad. I’m not wishing I was somewhere else. I am here. Finally understanding the term that I’ve heard Baron Baptiste say many times–

“Be now here or be nowhere”

It makes sense. Life is right now–it’s not when something else happens, its in this moment appreciating what you have. I know I’m not the first to be understanding this, but I feel like it’s finally hitting home for me. I think appreciating yourself is a top priority in life–taking care of those you love and figuring out how to be in the moment is the key to a happy existence.

My day continued on with a trip to Trader Joe’s where I purchased three items for myself: a bottle of wine, chocolate and flowers. The cashier promptly noticed and said “Well, this is a fun combination.” It was then that I realized I was on a date.

After an afternoon matinée and another long walk home in the brisk fall weather the day was nearing an end. Each moment brought new light to my life here in Chicago. As I continue to live HERE I’m loving each moment for something different–I’m here, no where else and that is how I’m beginning to really be happy.