The Battle

I start to sweat. My normally low blood pressure rises and my heart pounds even when my body is not working that hard. I get anxious and stressed out. Running, swimming and hitting the gym don’t do that.

I have such a love hate relationship with mountain biking. It’s a battle. A battle with Logic. Logic is the cautious side of my brain. The side that generally wins because she’s in control, she calm and cool. Logic fights with Competition, the side that peaks her evil head out rarely, but when she does she makes me uneasy. But that side also tells me to push harder, faster, further and makes me do things out of my comfort zone.

Logic tells me to stay on the easy double track; no rocks, roots or puddles to trip me up and knock me down. Then Competition chimes in and yells for her to shut the eff up, to go for it, to get uncomfortable and challenge not only my body, but my mind—basically my entire body: Mind, Body and Soul are put on edge during a ride.

 

I love and hate this so much. But yet I continue to do it—so it must be good.

             

Important ‘things’ (Part One)

What do you treasure most in your life? What, when changed, throws off you’re entire mood, being, life? My brother claims that after he eats gluten he feels instantly depressed, his mood is lowered and strange and therefore stops feeling like himself. So, for the most part he tries his best to not eat it. Sometimes it’s hard to avoid those triggers.

My brother and I just got back from a trip to New York City. If you remember my post about Brenner passing away, we went for him. His family and band mates put on an amazing concert to celebrate what an amazing person he was and will be remembered for. The evening was incredible, pictures of Brenner hung on the walls, friends, family, music lovers all showed up—all I kept thinking about was how much he would have loved that night, I’m sure I wasn’t the only one thinking this—that was the point.

Me, Kim and Kallie at the event

Me, Kim and Kallie at the event

After the show, the next day I spent the day with an old friend, (Brenner’s sister Kallie) and their Mother, Kim. Kallie and I used to makes lists of why we should have been sisters, things we wanted to do by the time we were 25 (a little late!) and Kim referred to me as her “other daughter.” The day was amazing. We reminisced, made new memories and spent the day together.

Kallie and I Canal Street AWESOME new sunnies

Kallie and I Canal Street AWESOME new sunnies

From Sunday evening on my trip continued to move forward in weird ways. Little triggers, events and things happened to make my eyes wander to my mind attempt to wrap itself around the idea of heading back to a tiny mountain town. This trip seemed to be based on relationships I had built in the past. Important ones, ones that you can’t recreate how or when or why they were created. My freshman year of college was intense and Kimberlee was my savor in a friendship and with a car so we could get the hell off campus!

Monday she came into the city and we fell immediately back into our chattiness, talking about life, catching up on where she is in her college education, how I’ve backtracked into working retail and still don’t know what I’m doing with my life. We hopped our way around three of four amazing Beer Bars, drinking IPAs and sampling the summer brews. Kim was telling me about her great job at a beer back, and her knowledge of wines and brewing. Needless to say by 8pm I was ready to be taken home. Hugs and kisses, she left me for the Long Island Railroad with promises to meet up and stay in touch. One long, kinda drunk train ride and I was back in my Brooklyn home.

One beer deep with Kim!

One beer deep with Kim!

How long do you go with out seeing important people in your life? Hopefully you’re able to keep them close at hand so when you need them, or they need you, you can call them up and meet for coffee (or a glass of wine.) For me, Alecita and I hadn’t seen each other in eight years. Yep, eight years! We created a fast friendship. One of those friendships that is made in a matter of days but will last a life time. However, Switzerland and the United States are far away, so a quick coffee before work is not an option.

In 2004 both of us were scared, insecure 16 year-olds in a new country, Chile. We met and instantly bonded over the Chileans getting us too drunk, being overweight and being nervous for what the net 6 months have in store for us. After leaving for our host families in different parts of the country we kept in touch and visited a couple times but both Alecita and I went through intense changes. As we moved home, she took a husband with her. Back to Switzerland and through the years her marriage fell apart and it’s still happening, the process of her being ‘free’ from a bad situation is far from over.

So meeting in New York City after 8 years was amazing. We walked, we talked, we conversed like no time had passed, stumbling over her English sometimes only added to the fun of having an old friend back for a short time. We met up for two days, being less like tourists and more like New Yorkers in love with our city, walking and noticing the little things that may happen everyday but finding the beauty in the small details.

Alecita y Yo

Alecita y Yo

We sat in a park to say our good byes, observing people as they passed us, but not caring when people noticed our loud laughs and hidden tears of having to say goodbye. Chau mi amor. Te quiero mucho mucho mucho! And she left, headed to Soho, and me on a bench awaiting another old friend to have to say goodbye to.

Washington Square Park

Washington Square Park

 

This city makes me feel strange, makes my mind wander, makes me re-think everything.

This post is getting long so it shall continue later…