Saying Goodbye

I enjoy it. For me it’s more of a routine, it’s a ritual and an experience–a moment of silent bliss. Grinding the beans, pouring the hot water…waiting…pressing the grounds down to reveal a deep, rich, aromatic liquid. Coffee is a way to connect with my mind, check in and relax. It’s an opportunity to connect with someone else, it’s a tool to bring people together and get things done–or not. It’s a way to kill an hour before work or relax after a stressful day. The mug warms your hands and perks you up, as the steam gently rises it can fog your glasses and the smell takes over your senses and a feeling of joy can take over.

 

This is direct quote from my journal while sitting at Rowster’s in Grand Rapids this past Saturday. A conversation with my older brother is what inspired it. A conversation about quitting coffee. If you know me, you know I have a love for it. Hell, I have a tattoo that depicts my love for the stuff. So why on earth would I consider quitting?! My brother, who he himself has quit many vices and is a better person for it, thinks it will help me. Help me sleep better (kinda a ‘duh’), help me be more productive (I’m skeptical of this one,) help my moods, my skin and he listed many many other reason why I should quit.

So I’m going to quit coffee for three months.

I repeat. I am going to quit coffee for the time being.

They say (not sure who ‘they’ are…) say that it takes three months for a given substance to be ridded of your body. I’m going to journal about it, listen to my body, mind, soul and productivity. I’m going to attempt to blog (and not complain,) about it. I’m going to try and not take up any other addictions in this process. Right now my ONLY addiction is coffee.

An apology in advance: if you’re my facebook friend, REAL life friend or snap chat buddy I’m apologizing NOW for whining, maybe crying and probably sniffing your coffee if you consume it in front of me. I’m dreading the headaches and already missing my routine. If anyone has any good tea suggestions (decaf of course) I would love to hear them.

 

Wish me luck. Follow me on here and join me on this…sigh…journey as I say goodbye.

 

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It’s How You Frame It

She took the long way home. Drove by  the house and down the hill to the overlook, a spot she cherishes and waves ‘hello’ to the lake often. Parking and zipping up her vest, hugging her homemade scarf close she waded through the snow to peak over the fence. The sun was setting and another car pulled up to steal the view. He stepped out, hood up and headphones blocking out the silent 5pm moment. She climbed the wooden structure, tapped the snow off her boots as she reached the top and peered around the trees at the ball melting away. “Nope,” she thought, “there’s a better view somewhere else.” Descending, she passed the hooded man with no eye contact, he was climbing the stairs after looking from the picnic table.

The wind blew and stung her ungloved hands. Shoving them in her pocket she sank through more snow and jumped up on the wooden table. Imagining the summer meals she was stepping on she looked through the trees to view the globe falling lower and lower. “Beautiful,” still not the best place. The boy on the wooden structure was snapping photos and throwing snow balls at the lake below. His mittened hands warm while he formed near perfect spheres.

She again broke through the layer of crunchy snow, walked around the wooden structure and paused looking at her warm car. She continued past it and leaned against the broken fence. Straight ahead was the horizon, a harsh line cutting the sky, dividing the eternities of sky and Lake–to the left a tree framed the sun perfectly. Orange burned violently through the sky. With each passing moment the circle dipped lower and lower below the line until it was gone. One instant it was there bright and the next it had disappeared. The man snapping photos from above missed the view she had seen, and surely she missed his view too. Cold, she hugged herself, not dressed or ready for this much time on the January coast she retreated to her car and warmed herself for a moment before driving away.

 

Parking, she looked behind her as she got out of the car, she contemplated going back–the sky had turned purple and red, morphing into something completely different. She had seen the ball drop, but perhaps she was missing the real climax. Perhaps she had left too soon. Perhaps the hooded man was capturing something more beautiful. What if the best of the sunset was passing this very moment? Thoughts of regret, anxious feelings filled her heart mourning the idea of what she may have lost. Settling in her warm living room with a mug of hot tea she flipped through the photos she captured. She smiled at how perfectly nature had framed her favorite shot. She appreciated the silent moments she had with the lake, the horizon and the sun. She’s learning to let go of what she might be missing and learning to love what she has.

 

Beverages and Other Things…

I forced myself to crack a new journal today. I have been back from South East Asia for over a month now and I had yet to write anything. I’ve hardly blogged, I went from journaling twice a day to not at all. This is weird for me. I’m in a funk. A full body and mind encompassing funk. Yep. There are other clinical terms certain people chose to use, but like many parts of my life I like to use euphemisms.

            I left the house, because lord knows I can’t concentrate here. Just like in college, I do my best work elsewhere. So I bought a fountain soda and I drove to a beautiful Lake Michigan overlook. I sat in my Mother’s convertible, I left the top 40’s pop radio station on and I opened up my pink polka dot journal and I wrote. It was nothing profound but I whined and complained through words that came out of the tip of my pen. I wrote a list of things that piss me off. For the sake of balance: I wrote a list of things that I like too.

            Lists are the best way for me to just write. I can always think of one more thing to add or a new list to start. So in this funk my list of piss were pretty damn negative. I was even pissed at the sun. The SUN is on my list of things that piss me off. (It was really hot, I had sweat dripping off my elbows.) But then once I started the other list things I like flowed quickly and steadily.

There were silly things. The first three or four things on that list are beverages. (Coffee, beer, iced coffee, diet coke through a straw) I mean, really… but they were all positive. There are all things that in this moment I enjoyed. And that is how I got through today and made it a not so bad day. Baby steps people, baby steps.

 

I like the tiny straw

I like the tiny straw