life

Where Have I Been?

/ Sloan / Leave a comment

Seriously. I’ve been uninspired and struggling with creativity and lack of motivation. Where have I been? In a hole, in a chair, on the phone, in bed, lost in Nextflix and Facebook worlds. I spent the winter sitting behind a computer making cold calls trying to sell tickets to the Sr. PGA Golf Tournament. I spent time with people who love the game, love what they’re doing and are passionate about their jobs–that was inspirational.  I wasn’t feeling like I was in my element. I spent a lot of time being jealous and anxious wanting something that I don’t have. I spent too much time looking at pictures on Facebook and InstaGram being incredibly jealous and upset that I was not climbing mountains, drinking that fabulous cocktail, meeting that famous person… I struggle daily to find my path.

“Jealousy consumeth the body and anger doth burn the liver. Avoid these two as you would a lion.” BAHA’U’LLAH

I still don’t know what path I’m on. I still have no clue where I’ll be or what I’ll be doing in a month. I know I won’t be in Michigan any more. I hope I won’t be slinging beers. Following a passion, running toward it is the path I want to take. Right now, living where I live and doing what I’m doing is not okay. It’s not inspirational or exciting. I’m going to jump soon. I’m going to jump without looking first and have a bit of faith in myself that when I land I’ll land running toward something great.  

I’m a Capricorn, Hear Me ROAR

/ Sloan / Leave a comment

I have a horoscope app on my phone and I generally read about my sign, the Strong and Stubborn Capricorn, everyday. I don’t know if I necessarily believe what it tells me but I do know that I like to read it to look at my life in a different light. It has a way of turning what I was processing into something else, or shedding light on a situation that I may not have paid attention to otherwise–it’s generally positive and encouraging so I figure “why not” read it!

The other day it said something about goal setting, not listening to what other people were telling me, realizing what I want and not thinking it was silly etc. I didn’t think much of it, it didn’t really sink in or resonate with my life for most of the day until I picked up my journal and started writing. I wasn’t writing about anything in particular, just normal life-obsessing-over-things-I-can’t-control stuff. and then it hit me. I realized I have a goal that is important to me and I wasn’t pursuing it because some other people didn’t seem to think it was that important. It’s something that virtually everyone my age has to deal with. Well–I don’t want to deal with it. It’s my new focus. This goal is something I wasn’t to start and finish and be done with for the rest of my life. So that’s what I’m working towards.

Capricorns are supposedly Goal-Setters and follow through-ers and Stubborn and Strong. So whether or not the date of my birth and the place of the sun versus the moon and if Mercury was in retrograde or not–I’m going to utilize these innate skills I’m supposed to have and push-on, carry-on and move the hell forward, because what else IS there to do?

Saying Goodbye

/ Sloan / 7 Comments

I enjoy it. For me it’s more of a routine, it’s a ritual and an experience–a moment of silent bliss. Grinding the beans, pouring the hot water…waiting…pressing the grounds down to reveal a deep, rich, aromatic liquid. Coffee is a way to connect with my mind, check in and relax. It’s an opportunity to connect with someone else, it’s a tool to bring people together and get things done–or not. It’s a way to kill an hour before work or relax after a stressful day. The mug warms your hands and perks you up, as the steam gently rises it can fog your glasses and the smell takes over your senses and a feeling of joy can take over.

 

This is direct quote from my journal while sitting at Rowster’s in Grand Rapids this past Saturday. A conversation with my older brother is what inspired it. A conversation about quitting coffee. If you know me, you know I have a love for it. Hell, I have a tattoo that depicts my love for the stuff. So why on earth would I consider quitting?! My brother, who he himself has quit many vices and is a better person for it, thinks it will help me. Help me sleep better (kinda a ‘duh’), help me be more productive (I’m skeptical of this one,) help my moods, my skin and he listed many many other reason why I should quit.

So I’m going to quit coffee for three months.

I repeat. I am going to quit coffee for the time being.

They say (not sure who ‘they’ are…) say that it takes three months for a given substance to be ridded of your body. I’m going to journal about it, listen to my body, mind, soul and productivity. I’m going to attempt to blog (and not complain,) about it. I’m going to try and not take up any other addictions in this process. Right now my ONLY addiction is coffee.

An apology in advance: if you’re my facebook friend, REAL life friend or snap chat buddy I’m apologizing NOW for whining, maybe crying and probably sniffing your coffee if you consume it in front of me. I’m dreading the headaches and already missing my routine. If anyone has any good tea suggestions (decaf of course) I would love to hear them.

 

Wish me luck. Follow me on here and join me on this…sigh…journey as I say goodbye.

 

Image