Seriously. I’ve been uninspired and struggling with creativity and lack of motivation. Where have I been? In a hole, in a chair, on the phone, in bed, lost in Nextflix and Facebook worlds. I spent the winter sitting behind a computer making cold calls trying to sell tickets to the Sr. PGA Golf Tournament. I spent time with people who love the game, love what they’re doing and are passionate about their jobs–that was inspirational. I wasn’t feeling like I was in my element. I spent a lot of time being jealous and anxious wanting something that I don’t have. I spent too much time looking at pictures on Facebook and InstaGram being incredibly jealous and upset that I was not climbing mountains, drinking that fabulous cocktail, meeting that famous person… I struggle daily to find my path.
“Jealousy consumeth the body and anger doth burn the liver. Avoid these two as you would a lion.” BAHA’U’LLAH
I still don’t know what path I’m on. I still have no clue where I’ll be or what I’ll be doing in a month. I know I won’t be in Michigan any more. I hope I won’t be slinging beers. Following a passion, running toward it is the path I want to take. Right now, living where I live and doing what I’m doing is not okay. It’s not inspirational or exciting. I’m going to jump soon. I’m going to jump without looking first and have a bit of faith in myself that when I land I’ll land running toward something great.
If you’ve been reading my blog for a while you may remember when I partnered with my friend Mike to do a series of Adventure Races in the summer of 2011 after I quit my soul sucking corporate job. He gave me the opportunity to experience these amazing races first hand. It was an adventure, to say the least. I’ve since been bouncing—I never really stop moving around, as you all know.
Well. Now many of my friends and family are wondering WHY I’ve landed in the middle of nowhere Maryland. Mike is putting a on a race of his own and has asked for my help in coordinating, marking, creating, marketing and building this thing (so click HERE and like our page on facebook) I love this end of races. In Oregon I worked on Granite-Man but an AR is a whole new beast to tackle, especially because this is our first year.
In the mean time, while not planning check points, getting sponsors and talking up the race to the community I will be waiting tables at the Black Bear Tavern (a post on my first day, coming soon) riding bikes, paddling in the lake and training for my own races all while exploring this beautifully untouched part of Maryland. Don’t let The Wire fool you, there is more to this state than drug deals and murder.
It’s time to be busy, be happy, enjoy my surroundings and experience everything.
Morning bike ride
Work shirt. The customers are…colorful
Your choice, he says. The Toyota idles for a moment while I contemplate left or right. Left? Or right?
I watched from under a tree, his curls fly through the wind as he swan dives beautifully into the calm lake. The bridge is clearly marked “No jumping or diving” marked as a huge teaser to us because he knows it’s deep enough to survive the drop.
As he climbs out refreshed from the shock of cold he looks at me; alright, you wanna jump? I’m terrified, Come on, I’ll go with you. I’m sweaty and hot and sticky from a day of work, my curls are piled on top of my head in a dready mess that I’ve been ignoring for weeks. What the fuck, let’s do this. I take off my shirt, free my hair and walk nervously to the bridge, why not?
Break a law every day.
Rocks to the right and sand to the left—stay center. He gets a running start as I climb on the edge and shut my brain off for a moment. I hold my breath and jump. I scream and take another breath before I hit the water. Shocked by the cold and I scream full of exhilaration as I pop to the surface.
Let go everyday.
Right = home, chores, shower, the end of the weekend.
Left = that bridge. That damn bridge that terrified me all while making me feel alive.
We got time, the wheels screech as I turn left out of the drive.