I write best when I’m lying in bed trying to sleep.
Or taking a shower.
Or when I’m having a conversation with… anyone really. I loose my attention, I zone out, form witty, funny sentences that I imagine my 10s of readers will enjoy.
And then I sit down to write. And it’s gone, it’s lost and forgotten. It will probably never return again, until I’m slightly buzzed and drifting off to sleep. Sometimes when I’m shaving my legs I make myself laugh with how hilarious I am. I rinse still thinking about it, towel off and put on lotion–my hands still slick with Lubraderm I sit to write it down and BOOM, it’s gone. Just like that. Out of my head, left me to go find someone who will take this thing more seriously.
Take this thing more seriously… I suppose I should get a waterproof notebook, one I can keep in my pocket at all times. Though, I rarely have pockets, I wear a lot of leggings and athletic pants. And have you SEEN the pockets on women’s jeans?! PLEASE! They hardly hold a nickle let alone my favorite Moleskin journal! And what pocket are we talking about if I’m in the shower… get outta there!
Okay. Time to get distracted so maybe I can focus on writing more.
I said I’d write.
But so many things have been bouncing around in my head that I keep telling myself that I just can’t seem to focus…
-I need new tires. Well, only two new tires, the front ones are what they say are ‘bald’. My boyfriend is bald, but I guess a bald head is better than bald tires.
-Tires are expensive. I should find the cheapest, but still quality, tires and just get them. Everyone has an opinion, “Go to Terri Tire, ask for Karl, tell him Artie sent you–get the Kelly tires. He’ll get you a deal”. “No, no, no. Walmarts will have the best deal, go there.” I know Walmart isn’t plural, the boys at the coffee shop would beg to differ.
-I don’t want to shop at Walmart, but I might have to. Cheaper tires from Walmart are cheaper and safer than bald tires sliding through the Main St. light.
-Moving. Joining. Embracing and moving forward. (I know, vague, right?! It’s vague in my head, too)
-Chicken! I made a garlic/herb butter and slathered that shit all up under her skin. She’s currently in the oven, has been for almost an hour; another 30 minutes and she’ll be crispy, tender, and hopefully delicious.
-She’ll come out of the oven, maybe I should crawl in. It’s so warm and the UP is so cold.
-Bald boyfriend is building me a head board. (smile emoji)
-A bathtub would probably be the better option to be warm, instead of crawling into the oven. A saner option at least. Alas, I do not have one.
-School. Oof. School. “What’s your goal with going back to school?” Honestly, I just want to be smarter, I want to study, I want to care about something again. Stop asking me, leave me alone, you don’t think I don’t ask myself these things??
…just the tip for you tonight.
I forced myself to crack a new journal today. I have been back from South East Asia for over a month now and I had yet to write anything. I’ve hardly blogged, I went from journaling twice a day to not at all. This is weird for me. I’m in a funk. A full body and mind encompassing funk. Yep. There are other clinical terms certain people chose to use, but like many parts of my life I like to use euphemisms.
I left the house, because lord knows I can’t concentrate here. Just like in college, I do my best work elsewhere. So I bought a fountain soda and I drove to a beautiful Lake Michigan overlook. I sat in my Mother’s convertible, I left the top 40’s pop radio station on and I opened up my pink polka dot journal and I wrote. It was nothing profound but I whined and complained through words that came out of the tip of my pen. I wrote a list of things that piss me off. For the sake of balance: I wrote a list of things that I like too.
Lists are the best way for me to just write. I can always think of one more thing to add or a new list to start. So in this funk my list of piss were pretty damn negative. I was even pissed at the sun. The SUN is on my list of things that piss me off. (It was really hot, I had sweat dripping off my elbows.) But then once I started the other list things I like flowed quickly and steadily.
There were silly things. The first three or four things on that list are beverages. (Coffee, beer, iced coffee, diet coke through a straw) I mean, really… but they were all positive. There are all things that in this moment I enjoyed. And that is how I got through today and made it a not so bad day. Baby steps people, baby steps.
I like the tiny straw