Please, Don’t, Judge

Conversation today waxed and waned all the way up the mountain. We talked about random things, but the conversation some how led to how often I feel like what I’m reading, who I spend time with and my life all coincide nicely with each other. Currently I’ve been hiding the cover of my book when reading in public. I’m not only embarrassed to have jumped on this band wagon of people who love this book, but I’m shedding a tear or two every few pages, (what is wrong with me?!) I don’t even want to tell you what I’ve been burying my nose in… gahh! I’m almost done reading Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert. There, I said it. And I’m enjoying it. So there!

Lately I’ve been selfish. I mean, I’m a young single woman, I’m generally looking out for just myself, while at the same time trying to be kind to others, but at the end of the day I need to feel good. I need to be comfortable with myself. I need to love myself before I can love others, before I can share myself—so when I’m in situations that make me not like who I am, not feel good about what is going on, I leave. Simple.

I’ve recently learned to surround myself with some kick ass people who at the end of the day make me feel good and lift me up, and hopefully I’m doing the same for them.  If these uplifting people aren’t available I find something to do by myself. I’m learning to be alone and be okay with it. With travel opportunities afoot I need to be okay with being alone for long stretches of time.

Gilbert does this. She takes off for a year. She eats in Italy, prays in India and learns about love in Bali, alone—the whole book is really about a woman learning to love herself, learning how to treat herself with the respect we all deserve, learning how to just be. In this process she learns to give too, she spends her time being selfish with her meditation and prayer but in the end it creates a balance that makes her better in the rest of her life. I think selfishness gets a bad wrap sometimes. You can be selfish while still being kind, caring, compassionate and loving, by treating yourself well it opens doors to treat others even better.

Running and exercise is my retreat, it’s how I re-energize not only my body but also my soul. As much as I’ve loved sharing the trails with this new friend, I still do love to go out for a few miles just me and my thoughts. I still seem to think I’ll come home from a few miles and have solved world hunger or something…maybe tomorrow’s work out I’ll have it all figured out.

But for now I’m reading, trying to write, trying to figure out how to travel and all in all I’m trying to love myself so that I can love others better. Another conversation we had was all about the journey and not the destination, even if the destination is a goal you set for part of the journey…yeah, we went there—that’ll be another blog post coming soon.