Disconnection vs. Investment

Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Where have the last two months gone? What have I been doing. What have YOU been doing? Winter has finally, hopefully, left us, and were on our path to Spring time. My birthday (in January) came and went, Valentine’s Day smacked us in the face, we sprung our clocks forward and now March Maddness status updates are taking over my Facebook feed and I don’t understand any of them. But now to personify a couple words that have been huge influencers in my life.

Disconnection is something one feels when they hit the road after 10 months of ‘living’ somewhere. Investing in a community is not priority, friendships don’t seem as sincere because there is no depth to them. A bedroom doesn’t develop personality and warmth after just a few months. Disconnection is a hard state to live in and a super easy state to leave.
Where do you lean towards? Where do you road trip to and have a hard time leaving? Is Disconnection a place that’s on your map marked with a star? Disconnection used to be my only home, I had a house on wheels and a backpack full of books, a journal and a tooth brush. Disconnection and I… we flourished together, knowing that happiness was just one stop away, one more plane ride, one more move, one more man in my bed, drinking buddy at the local pub or a cute coffee shop to waste my day in. Happiness, she was coming, she had to be around the corner somewhere, right? Disconnection promised me happiness elsewhere and I believed her every step of the way.

This is what I thought until I met Investment. Investment is a sneaky little bitch that crawls out of hole somewhere, trips you and makes you stop looking towards the horizon and just see the sunset. She and I together freak each other out. She’s not good at hanging out with curly haired, independent ladies that love an adventure away from where she is. She doesn’t move quite as fast as I’m used to but we’ve become friends so I’ve learned to slow down for her, to take a little more time and think a bit more about each move, each choice I’m making.

Investment has encouraged me to sign up for a certification program. She’s helped me find ways to read the words I write to an audience. She’s taken my heart and began giving it to another person so I can’t just leave even if I thought I wanted to. Investment knows me and knows that I can’t end my relationship with Disconnection but she knows that right now we’re not a good fit. Right now I’m starting a garden for the summer and I’m planning trips to far away states and I’m becoming a regular at my favorite coffee shop. She knows that I wonder about my lease ending in August and respects the fleeting thoughts of mountain paths and crashing oceans but understands that now we’re friends I’m sticking around for a while.

As much as my heart wants to fly away I am here. I am present and I am navigating this new friendship with an open mind and adventurous soul.

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Finding, searching, processing…being

I’m finding myself lazy. I’m finding myself unable to move. I’m finding myself paralyzed with choice, the need to make decisions and figure things out. I’m finding myself more lost than ever…I’m finding myself saying that a lot.

 

I’m also finding myself really connected to inspirational quotes and those pretty images they are posted with on facebook. I’m finding myself reading Sera Beak’s The Red Book [A deliciously unorthodox approach to igniting your divine spark] I’m finding myself not rolling my eyes as much. I’m using phrases like “I think the universe is telling me…” and being completely serious. I’m looking for clues.

 

I’m laughing at myself when I fall over in my yoga practice, or after a full body workout when I can’t get off the floor—I laugh at myself, and then I laugh at myself for laughing at myself. It’s joyful.

I also cry. I cry when I can’t decide. Then I remember to rejoice because I have decisions to make and the ability to change them. I’m finding myself giving advice but not taking any—this needs to change. I talk a lot. I want to listen more. When I listen I need to absorb. When I absorb I need to put it into action.

 

Here’s to change. Here’s to listening to what, I think, the universe might be telling me. Here’s to covering my basis and doing research. Here’s to new adventures that will move me forward. Here’s to being scared, nervous, and afraid—here’s to relishing in life and being alive!

 

[more to come—processing]

 

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Choose Your Trail

Me: I planned out our 11-mile loop,

up up up then descend.

Him: I haven’t ran in weeks, I

may not be up for that.

Me: You’ll be fine. We’ll go

slow! And we’ll figure

out what we wanna do

when the time comes.

 

We were planning on a long trail run on Thursday morning. I woke up tired, for some reason it was hard to get out of bed and just push the brew button on my coffee pot. But I had a friend to meet at 8am to run…11 hard miles. He met me at his door and we started walking, the weather perfectly chilled with Fall on it’s way. I told my friend my difficulties this morning and he said he was feeling the same.

My friend reminded me of our text conversation last night; we can do whatever we want. “oh yeah” I thought. Just because we planned on doing 11 miles didn’t mean we absolutely had to. That’s the beauty of running, you choose the distance, pace and location—all you really need are shoes.

We decided to walk up through the park and up the road called 2060. We hike up for a good 90 minutes, talking, sharing, trying to solve each other’s problems, or just be there to listen which is what we both actually needed.

 

Him: I have a plan. Let’s run down.

         Then around the park for a

few miles. Yeah?

Me: YEAH!

 

The run down was quick and easy. We turned off onto the trails of Lithia Park, I chose the direction, then my friend cut ahead and took the lead, twisting around, changing direction quickly and keeping me on my toes and eventually leading us back down town. It was a game of cat and mouse, the leader followed and then they switched places. It was fun.

A lot of times I forget how much we’re actually in control. Just because something doesn’t go as planned doesn’t mean you can’t take the reins and still make it a great run, day, experience. You’re, more often then not, in control of the direction of you future. Sometimes just making the decision to go for the run, change jobs or (in my case) move across the world, is exactly what you need to remember to make something happen—today!

 

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