You Yell In Your Head A Lot

That day at work, the one that is so mind numbingly boring where you can’t even remember what you talk about. You sit and stare, you cross and un-cross your legs to keep your ankles from going numb. That day where you know you’re not going to want to go home right away so you make plans with an old friend, you find a new bar and you plant your ass on a stool for a few beers and talk.

You talk and the shit that comes out of your mouth sometimes makes you realize that, in this moment, your voice is unrecognizable. You’re half way through your first 8% beer and you realize the bar now looks blurry, only because you’re looking through saltwater and your friend pats your right shoulder.

Looking down, your left knee is supported by the bar while your right ankle crosses over it, you look over and your bearded friend, a friend from years ago, that is only ten years younger that your father, and his legs are crossed the same way.

For as long as I’ve known you, you’ve been like a strong, proud, black woman. He says, lifting his hand off your shoulder, complimenting you. He begins to share his stories about his relationship, because you decide to get another beer and change the subject to him. You want to stop looking through saltwater and getting the focus off you will help that.

The bar fills up as you realize the coffee stout you ordered is actually good. After years of loving coffee and loving beer and hating the two combined, this brewery does it–it goes down easy, lights you up with a buzz and mellows you out with a different buzz. The conversation continues onto beers, breweries, brewers and bars.

He compartmentalizes your life by drawing circles and squares on the bar top with his fingers, connecting them with imaginary lines and arrows, showing how they all really are connected–see, if things are good here, they have the potential to be better HERE, he taps hard on the upper right circle,

Meanwhile, you use your thumbnail to pick the coaster and to avoid eye contact, you’ve been refused coaster use in bars you regulared at in the past but the tender doesn’t notice you tonight. You blink back, close your eyes a moment and return to making scraps that he’ll later have to clean up and throw away–you’ve worked at bars and know how annoying it is to clean up other peoples messes.

The four compartments are all different, yet work together, if you create balance, you equal a happy, healthy life. Who can juggle balance? Where does this come from? WHERE, HOW?! You yell in your head, you yell in your head a lot.



The Ominous Fin

I always wondered what it would be like to stop moving. To stay still and not fidget.  There are animals that live their life waiting and in hiding; camouflaged by a shell of strategic colors and patterns, sharp teeth ready to grab lunch once it comes near enough–the animal goes unnoticed until it’s too late for the prey. Or there are animals that are hiding, not to attack but to stay safe. They blend in, close there eyes and hope the long toothed predator passes by with out blinking an eye in their direction. 

Some animals, like sharks, must continue moving in order to stay alive. I read somewhere that in order to breath they never stop moving. The oxygen in the water has to filter through their gills by them moving forward. Always chasing, or running, or just swimming along–they are always going somewhere.

Taking on the lifestyle approach of a shark seems evil. Sharks always play the villain. Movies and television tell us to fear the shark. To steer clear of that ominous fin that, for all we know, could be just going our for a breath of fresh ‘air’. He’s moving. He’s just moving forward to live.  How can we learn from this shark?

Keep moving. Keep going forward. Keep progressing. Keep challenging. Keep trying new things. Don’t fear change, challenge or different scenery.

Breath deep while you’re moving. Sit still and breath in the new experience of meditation. Fill your lungs with the opportunity of holding a Warrior II a bit longer.  Explore the the sensation of a new food rolling over your tongue. Gasp for breath as you laugh the night away with new friends. Love the feeling of crunching leaves under you feet as you walk through the woods breathing in the autumn colors. Move forward. Progress. Enjoy. Slow down.



February the new May?

I’m not sure what’s happening. I look at a calendar and it says it February but then I look and walk outside and it feels like May. 65 degrees, sunny, birds chirping—pure bliss if you ask me! So what do I decide to do on a 65 degree February morning? My friend and I thought it would be appropriate to go up the mountain and find snow!!

Just a 20-minute drive from town and the temperature dropped a bit but it was still gloriously (is that a word?) warm, sunny and snow covered! We only had an hour and half so the plan was to hike/run around, but our plans were bosched when we realized we didn’t have a parking permit and everywhere on the mountain you need one so that your car doesn’t get towed or get a ridiculously huge ticket. But we didn’t give up!

Instead of hanging up at Mount A, we cruised on over to the base of Pilot Rock and just hiked up and up for a solid 30 minutes, didn’t really make it to any destination, but we were both over dressed and sweaty by the time we decided to soak in the view and head back down to town. We both kept shouting “THIS IS WHY WE LIVE HERE”


Be jealous

Not having got my cardio fix in at altitude I threw on some shorts, (yes, shorts and a t-shirt) and headed out for a run/core workout. The core workout consisted of me laying in a grassy field doing a few planks, a few crunches, but more so slowing down and basking in the sun, soaking up the free vitamin D mother nature was handing out yesterday.

My legs felt heavy and the hill never seemed to stop, but being outside and just enjoying the day was exactly what I needed on my day off from work. Being able to slow down and just be is something I’ve struggled with and I think living in the mountains is helping me learn to take a deep breath and appreciate what I have right now.

So, whether you’re in a town that’s covered in snow, a sunny beach, or some weird mix like my winter has been, figure out how to breathe. Live and love each moment that you have right now. It’s hard, but that deep breath is worth it, I promise.