Buckets of Sweat

My sweat glands always decide to release all at once. I don’t sweat much during the day, even when I go for a run, unless I’m doing sprints I don’t really sweat a lot. But when I do other sports, sports that I don’t think I can do well and then I succeed, well, I sweat. I sweat the success. I think my body hits a button, the adrenaline, holy shit I just climbed that rock, button. And I start to sweat, and because of my smile I taste it and the saltiness tastes good.

This past weekend I spent in Ashland, Oregon visiting my awesome big brother, Zane. In the past few weeks he’s gotten super into rock climbing and decided to spread the love when we rented shoes and hit the trail at Rattlesnake to climb some rocks. I’m not very good. I’m not horrible, but I’m not very good. I sat around the majority of the day lacking the confidence to try many routes, watched the boys climb, and enjoyed the Oregon sunshine. Finally, Zane found me a 5.8 to top rope. It was a short little thing, but it was a challenge for a novice like me.

 “On belay?”

 “Belay on,”

 “Climbing,”

“Climb on, sistah!!” and off I went. Falling, slipping, getting my fingers stuck in holds I thought I could use. Never once did my brother stop the encouragement, never once did I believe him when he said he knew I could do it! He was a voice of power from below. A voice I needed to get me a few inches higher off the ground.

Finally, what seemed like hours later, the sweat came. The sweat that felt like it could fill buckets, the sweat that got me up the rest of the rock, the last few hold, I touched the anchor and looked down at my brother—his smile was as big as mine, his effort was just as needed as my effort. His encouragement got me up the rock; along with my muscles!

This was just one moment, of many, that I had over the weekend where accomplishment seemed so far away. By doing, pushing and finding out what I am capable I’ve brought it back with me to the east coast. I CAN step up my work outs, I CAN power through and succeed, I CAN beat this damn stress fracture and bounce back even stronger!

Go out and do something you don’t think you can. Take an encouraging person with you and use each other, feed off each other’s support and positive words. You CAN do it, put your head down and power through—I know you can finish!

Water Sounds the Same Everywhere

Dad and I wake before school and notice the sun cresting over the horizon. Melting backwards above the water line, shining pink, purple and peaches over the water. Early mornings call for low voices, as if we talked any louder it would disturb the peace, so we whisper. The lake laps the sand, kissing it good morning.

Sitting on the beach on the edge of Lake Huron at 2 in the morning we listen to the fresh water lap on shore, the blanket under us and the moon bright above out heads, just our voices and the water. 17 years old, I felt rebellious being outside with a guy, my dad asleep at the house and the lake as beautiful as can be.

That same beach three years earlier, a small fire and remnants of marshmallows and Hershey wrappers, giggling girls worrying about soccer games, boys and finals week. We were a club that didn’t do anything special. We were watching the crescent moon rise, the stars fall and at 3am the Northern Lights peak above the horizon in an eerie glow that danced to the rhythm of the waves.

Lake Michigan: the other side of the state and bit further south. Eating ice cream with a man I’d later call my boyfriend—the conversation ranging from our pasts, to the confusion of the future. The lake laps laps laps and talks back to us. Months later we call it quits near that same beach. The water listens and doesn’t take sides.

The ocean. I live in the Mid Atlantic now and recently found myself on the beach at 1:30am wrapped in a Mexican blanket having one of those conversations; we talk about the greatness of having paddle boarded this morning, the uncertainties of jobs, relationships, life and decisions that need to be made sooner rather than later. The ocean laps too, the moon shines bright over head and the stars fall just the same as they do over the Great Lakes.

We whisper while putting the kayaks in the salty water, afraid to wake neighbors or disturb the osprey’s nest that is being built not far off shore. Hot coffee (with a nip of Kaluha) is bungeed in front of each of us, PB and Jelly sandwiches in a dry sack for later—we watch the sun rise over the Atlantic, we listen to the lapping of the waves and I notice as drops of water drip off my paddle. I propel myself through the oily water in a smooth cadence. Perfection in a silent sunrise. I’ve  learned that water sounds the same everywhere. Water and water people come together and create something great.

Gotta…

The Boston Marathon is Monday. Anyone running that race, FYI: you are a bad ass! Congrats, run hard, run fast, run smoothly. I wish you the best, you’ve trained hard all winter, this is where it matters.

I’ve been out for… hell, I’ve lost count. I don’t even know what running feels like any more, I’ve forgotten the feeling. I have been at the gym, I have been working out, I’m lifting, cross training, I went stand up paddle boarding with an account the other day—it was fabulous. But nothing beats the feeling of the wind in my hair, my legs moving swiftly, smoothly, effortlessly through the city or on the trail.

I’m waiting. Still waiting for that wave, still waiting to feel better than I feel now, I’m sure I could run but I don’t want to push it. I’m at the point where listening to my body isn’t the right option. Listening to my body would have me running and back tracking faster than I can lace up my running shoes. I’m listening to my body and then adding a week of cross training again, I want to be sure. I want to be sure I can run and not have to stop.

Because sometimes you just gotta run…

…run and keep going.