Learning to Remember

Waking up early is in my blood. Struggling to put my already damp sports bra on to my already sweaty body I remind myself where I am: Cat Ba Island. Skipping down the 6 flights of stairs I curse the broken elevator. Walk to the street and pick up the pace.

 

The streets are busy with locals. Motorbikes zoom to drop off kids at school, men at work and women selling coffee, I run. Ignoring the calls for a taxi or motorbike ride I run. To the beach, to the ridge where I am alone with my islands. My islands rest and wait and absorb the shock of the waves that lap them from the great sea. I’m alone as I stretch my tired muscles, as I climb the stairs I had just descended and as I round the corner and sit with a small Vietnamese woman who tells me hot coffee is just 10,000 dong. I sip my twenty-five cent brew and remind myself again and again.

Penang Island

 

Rain. Indian food. Carrot juice. New friends. Coconut wine. Jungle. Scorpions. Specially flavored coffee. Walks in the rain. Thunder. Beaches and the ocean. Swims at midnight. Whiskey and watermelon. Australians. Germans. And Britts. Chinese dumplings from the street. Love Lane. Workouts in a park. Pounding waves. Surprise waves. Gentle waves. Chinese spitting. Indian children with adorable smiles. Camera men. Sand. Jumping. Growing. Being nervous. Excited and proud. Out of the zone of comfort. Lighthouses. Motorbike gang. Floating. Stars and sunsets. Darts. Long blacks. Aimless strolling. Kindness. Sincerity. Holding tight. Letting go. 

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Lost (but okay)

Some people travel to ‘find’ themselves. Others to ‘escape’. Many to ‘view’ the world from a new angle, a new taste, or smell.

I’m not finding anything, just finding myself more lost. I haven’t escaped anything. I am seeing the world and myself differently.

More lost than ever. I’m wandering [aimlessly] I love [despising] the confusion and [un]certainty of every choice I make.